Delayed Reaction?

I guess I bragged too soon--about feeling so good, that is.  On Friday night, I felt just fine after surgery.  Sure, I was just a tad crampy afterward, but it quickly subsided, and I was feeling no pain when we left the hospital.  Still, we got my prescription filled for pain meds...just in case.  All day on Saturday, J kept asking me if I felt okay.  He even got a little irritated with me when he realized that I didn't take the meds with me to town to run a couple of errands.  I felt fine, though.  I didn't need them. 

TMI Warning!!!
I had some light bleeding all night...kind of like the end of my period.  But I wasn't in any pain (other than my hand where the IV had been).  Until yesterday morning, that is.  I woke up at around 3:30 with some MAJOR cramping going on.  It was about as bad as I've ever had.  Luckily, though, it only lasted about 20 minutes before it subsided.  I brushed it off, rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep.  Then, at around 4:15, it started again.  From the way things felt, I was sure I had bled all over everything and I'd definitely have a mess to clean up (and I was guessing it would include clean sheets).  I carefully made my way to the bathroom and was surprised to find nothing.  Just the slightest hint of spotting when I wiped. 

I broke down and took one of my pain pills.  I guess I woke J up as I was getting back in bed because he asked me if I was okay.  I explained what was going on.  Then I attempted to go back to sleep, but it took a while for the pain to subside.  It came in waves like that throughout the day.  I took a second and third dose spaced throughout the day.  I hate taking medicine, but I was really hurting.  Thanfully, it wasn't a constant pain, though.  I'm hoping it gets better soon.  We're in the middle of state testing at school and I'm afraid it will get uncomfortable circulating around my classroom to monitor while in pain. 

But I will survive.  I always do. 

Yesterday was rough.  First of all, I got a text from a wrong number wishing me a happy mother's day.  Ouch.  Then, instead of the announcement we were hoping to make, we decided to tell my grandparents that we had miscarried (mostly so they would be in the loop--somewhat--and understand if we seemed sad or distant in the coming weeks).  They didn't quite know what to say, and my grandfather got all choked up.  I think he knows how much we want this. 

It's about time to get ready for school.  Three more weeks of this and I can put this whole year behind me.  I desperately need for this school year to be over.  My brain needs a break.  My heart needs some peace in which to heal.  I love my job, but I just need to be selfish for a little while.  (Isn't that terrible?)  I need some time off from worrying about other people's children.

Oh, and I did a very bad thing yesterday, too.  I skipped church.  I can't remember a time when I ever just deliberately skipped church without a legitimate excuse (like being out of town or sick or having a class in college or something).  I just didn't think I could handle the "motherly overload" that I knew would take place as everyone would speak of being thankful for their mothers or the young mothers in the church, etc.  So I just didn't go.  Maybe next year...

Hugs and love,