One month to go...

I can't believe there is one month left in 2011.  When this year started, I had such high hopes for it.  It's definitely going in the record books as a year I'll never forget--it's just not all good.  But I'm holding out hope that December is going to turn this year around.  Don't get me wrong...the year's not been a total bust.  I have some good memories, too.  But there were times when the bad definitely outweighed the good. 

Gotta run...prayer meeting night.

Hugs and love,

Is it worth the hassle?

Has anybody out there reading this used a numbing cream before IM injections?  If so, do you recommend it?  I've asked my nurse about getting a prescription, but haven't heard back from her yet.  I just wondered if it was really worth the trouble.  I am not digging all these shots, though, and it's only going to get worse.  I can handle it, but why hurt when you don't have to?

We're all set!

I headed to the clinic today to get my lining and E2 levels checked.  Both were stellar (sorry, I don't have numbers), but I left with the instructions, "Call your voicemail this afternoon.  Have a good day!"  That's it?  No comments on the lining?  I was a little worried until Kelli called me herself (no voicemail for this chica today).  She said that everything looked great and that Dr. W said we could go ahead and schedule the transfer. 

So, here's the rundown of things to come:
* Continue with 0.2 mL of Estrad.iol Val.erate (IM) on Tuesday, then decrease it to 0.1 mL on Saturday.  This dose and frequency will continue until test day or (hopefully) around 10 weeks pg.
* On Friday, 12/2, begin PIO injections (IM) with 1cc, increasing dosage on 12/3 to 2cc.  This dose will continue until test day or (hopefully) 10-12 weeks pg.  (Not looking forward to this, but you gotta do what you gotta do.)
* Visit RE's office on Friday for stitch on cervix to assist in transfer. 
* Pick up prescriptions for Val.ium and Lov.enox.
* Begin Lov.enox, one 40mg prefilled syringe sub Q on Mon 12/5.
* Take last Lup.ron injection the day before embryo transfer (12/6).
* Transfer is scheduled for Wednesday, 12/7.

Lots of needles in my future, but I just keep telling myself it will all be worth it. 

Hope you're doing well.  I'm sick of all this rain we've been getting, but at least it isn't snow!

Hugs and love,

Working ahead isn't always a good thing...

So, I was trying to alleviate some stress (since J is adamant about the month of December being as stress-free as possible) by finishing my lesson plans for the rest of the calendar year.  I am even on my way to having all my materials ready to copy.  But I checked my school email a little while ago (bad idea--I really shouldn't do that on breaks) and found a ton of calendar events from the principal which included several things that I will need to "plan around."  Grr. 

It's okay, Angie.  You've got 3 days to get everything sorted out before December gets here...

Oh, Christmas Tree...

Since our second Christmas as a married couple, we've put up 2 trees in our house.  The first year we did this, one was in the living room (there is always one in the living room) and the second, new tree was put in front of our gorgeous bedroom window.  It looked fabulous from the street.  BUT, it was a bit too broad for the spot and a slimmer tree really would have worked better.  Last year, our home addition was complete and so we moved our second tree to the family room. 

This year, I made the decision NOT to put up our original tree again and told J that if he insisted on having 2 trees then we would need a new one.  That led to today's adventure in tree-buying.  We looked at several places and weighed lots of options--pre-lit vs. unlit, clear vs. multi-colored lights, hinged branches vs. um, unhinged branches (?).  We finally settled on a tree...pre-lit...multi-colored lights (this was my compromise--I prefer clear, he prefers colored and since our other tree has clear lights, I let him have this one).  It was a pretty good deal, too, at $88.  So, imagine my surprise when I got home and scanned all of our purchases (we have a National Consumer Panel scanner) and found upon examining the receipts so I could "enter prices" that we actually got the tree for $58!  It must have been on sale or something.  There was no sign in the store, but hey...we won't question it. 
(UPDATE: When we put the tree up, we figured out we grabbed the wrong box--it has clear lights instead of multi-colored.  I offered to take it back, but J said it was okay to leave it.)
Ah, I just love a good deal.

Oh, and more good news...I got a bill from the clinic yesterday.  My insurance paid for my HSG!  They must have coded it differently.  Last time, I had to pay it all out of pocket.  This time, all I had to pay was the $20 co-pay.  Yay!  (For now...I guess they'll figure it out at some point and charge me for it, but for now I'll just be excited about it.)

You Might be an Infertile If....

...you zoom out to the Ko.hl's parking lot to inject your Lu.pron in the middle of Black Friday shopping.

Yes, I have shopped.  And now I'm ready to drop.  Night-night.  (Even if it is just lunch time.)

Hugs and love,

Giving Thanks

I won't lie.  It's been a long, hard year.  I could list my troubles and probably be justified by most people for not being quite my jolly-old-self.  But that's not what this day is all about.  There are good things in my life, and despite my troubles, I have a lot of things to be thankful for.

I wasn't going to bore you with them, but then I remembered that this is MY blog and I can record them here if I want to.  So, don't feel obligated to read how blessed I am.  Just know that I count you all in my blessings...every day. 

* I'm thankful that I have salvation, which in the end, trumps all the troubles the world could possibly throw at me.  Thank you, Lord.
 
* I'm thankful for my husband.  He keeps me grounded.  I don't always think clearly, and sometimes I know I'm a pain...but he puts up with me and loves me despite my faults.  I can't imagine taking this journey with anybody else. 

* I'm thankful for my family--even though we don't always agree on everything, we're there for each other.  Not every family can say that, so that is a blessing, too.

* I'm thankful I have a home, a car, and a job.  Yes, those are big ones, but I lumped them together because they are material things. 

* I'm thankful that we are in a position to even try IVF and FET. 

* I'm thankful that I gathered up the courage to give myself my subcutaneous injections. 

* I'm thankful for you, if you're reading this! 

Have a blessed day,

More reminders

It's been a busy week...so much so that I was just able to catch up on watching Pri.vate Pra.ctice this morning.  I should begin by saying that I've been bothered by the sequence of Addison's IVF cycle, but I have tried to let it go because I truly like this show.  It got to me this morning, though.

I was doing just fine until the very end of the 2-hour episode when Addison is in the bathroom peeing on a stick while her guests are gathering at the Thanksgiving table.  That was me a year ago, so to speak.  It was Thanksgiving morning that we first saw 2 lines.  Yep, you guessed it...I went into a sobbing fit, which woke Jax up and he immediately jumped up in my lap and started licking the tears.  (He hates it when I cry.)  I quickly calmed down,  but I was more disappointed in myself than anything else.  Why do I let things get to me like this?  How long will it go on?  I know I will always think about my angels, but will I always be so emotional?

Okay...pity party is over.  Back to the laundry. 

Hugs and love to all,

Feeling Accomlished

It was a short week at school.  In fact, my work week is over.  I wanted to give a test today and be done with our current chapter, but scheduling conflicts prevented that from happening.  So what does any responsible social studies teacher do in a 2-day week when she’s in the middle of a unit on the American Revolution but can’t give a test?  Watch National Treasure, of course!  Even though it’s a work of fiction, the historical value of much of the content is incredible.  Shh.  Don’t tell my kids it was semi-educational or they won’t think I’m cool anymore.

Not only did this keep my kiddos occupied and somewhat focused on what we’ve been talking about in class for the past 2 weeks or so, but it also gave me a chance to get caught up with things (since planning has been all but taken several times lately).  In fact, I’m ahead.  That’s right.  I have my social studies AND Spanish classes planned out for the rest of the semester.  Granted, that’s only 3 weeks, but I’m still proud.  Maybe that means I won’t feel so stressed for the last 3 weeks of the grading period.  I nearly have all of my Spanish materials created, too.  I just need a few slide shows, a review sheet, and a final.  I plan to work on those tomorrow. 

As soon as J gets home, we’re going to eat pizza with my parents.  Real pizza.  From a pizza restaurant.  In case you can’t tell, we don’t do that a lot.  I’m excited.

I went through my Christmas list today.  I’m well on my way to being finished.  Most of the people who aren’t crossed off the list have things-to-be-bought beside their names, so at least I have a plan.  Except my dad.  He’s hard to buy for.  He never has any ideas for anybody.  His birthday is a week after Christmas, and he never needs anything then, either.  Then about mid-January, he can come up with a whole list of things he needs or wants.  Drives my mom crazy. 

Well, I’m off to play with Jax.  Hope you’re having a great day.

Hugs and love,

You have got to be kidding me...

I was having a fairly good day today...and then I got home and checked the mailbox.  I was shocked to find this postcard addressed to J:

In case you can't read it, it is a postcard from Se.ars that says "It's time to schedule an appointment for your baby's first Christmas photos..."  It goes on, but that's really all you need to understand why I'm upset by it.

I guess the formula samples weren't enough of a reminder of what could have been.  I don't know how we got on this stupid mailing list, but I'd like to get off of it until I actually need all of this stuff. 

Cue the water works. 

Post #500

Wow.  I can't believe I've shared the random jumblings of my brain with you fine people 500 times.  Hmph.  Most of those thoughts have come from this year, as I've blogged every day.  If there's anybody left reading that's been with me since the beginning, thanks for your loyalty.  If you're just joining me, welcome and thanks for stopping by!  I appreciate all of my readers...and I'm working on being a better commentor.

Hugs and love,

Wake-Up Surprise

I woke up this morning to a bloody mess.  Literally.  The nurse told me I'd probably start spotting soon, having stopped BCPs last Monday, but that it shouldn't be heavy like a normal period because my lining was so thin.  Okay.  I could deal with that.  But this morning, I was totally not expecting to see blood everywhere, but I did.  No cramps, just bleeding.  Fun stuff.

It's almost shot time.  Then, my derierre gets a break until Tuesday when the dose doubles.  Yay, me.  I hope it doesn't give me a headache again.  But I will deal with it if it does.  Gotta run.  I'm taking a quick break to "warm" my meds.  We've got to finish cleaning this house...and I have church in an hour!

Hugs and love,

Med #3

Since I've finished BCPs and lowered my Lu.pron to 5 units each day--all without any real side effects, I was hoping the same could be said for the other 2 meds we're throwing into the mix.  Last night was my first injecion of Estra.diol Val.erate.  Ouch!  That one hurt.  It's thick, but not quite as thick as PIO.  I forgot what that needle felt like, though, since it's almost been a year since I had a PIO injection. 

It wasn't too bad, but when J pulled the needle out, the site started gushing blood.  It got all over my clothes, but it'll come out in the wash.  There's no bruise there.  (Although the one on my belly from yesterday's Lu.pron looks quite atrocious today.)  Since I'm not usually prone to side effects, I was hoping to dodge them with this drug as well, but no such luck.  I had a headache within 20 minutes of taking the dose.  It lasted through most of today...but thankfully, it's gone now.  I hope it stays gone.  It's going to be a busy weekend.

Hugs and love,

Suppression check--check!

I am suppressed.  Not to be confused with depressed, oppressed, repressed, or impressed.  The nurse said my lining looked thin and I had a message on my infamous voicemail box this afternoon that said that my estradiol level was 40.  It needs to be 50 or under, so I'm good there.  So, we are on for "the plan."  Tonight, I will be injected with 0.1mL of Estra.diol Val.erate (IM).  Oh, I asked about the needles--she said that I could use the one inch needles if I wanted to do the shots in my thighs (I don't), but she gave me a bunch of 1 and a half inch needles to use in the hip.  I had about 9 or 10 leftover from our fresh cycle last November, so I'm ready to shoot up now.  This is done tonight and Saturday night.  Then, I have to up the dose to 0.2 mL on Tuesday and the following Saturday.  Next appointment is an ultrasound and E2 check on 11/28.  If things are "ready," we'll schedule transfer for sometime the next week. 

I got my first Lu.pron bruise this morning.  I knew it was going to bruise the minute the needle went in because it hurt.  I must have hit something.  It bled for the first time today, too. 

Since the financial consultant and I have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks, I just asked for her at check-out today so I could pay for the cycle.  Bad news--no discount this time.  I really didn't expect one, but it sure would have been nice. 

Oh, and our heat went out yesterday.  And it's supposed to be the coldest night of the season tonight.  I guess we'll be sleeing upstairs (the heat works on the "new part" of the house).

Hope you're all doing well.

Hugs and love,

It's a good thing this year is almost over...

...because I'm running out of words!  I definitely subscribe to the "quality vs. quantity" approach to, well, most things.  I don't know that blogging every day has made me a bette writer, but at least I'm in the habit of checking in regularly now.  Perhaps in the coming year I won't be as sporadic with my posting as I have been in the past. 

The Lone Ranger

That's what I felt like today.  ALL of the other fifth grade teachers were gone to a meeting (I was happy to be left out), and the kids were WILD!  I think I'll take the day off if it happens again!

My Claim to Fame

Last night, we did a repeat performance of our dinner theater production as a fundraiser for the academic team my brother coaches.  Not a huge turnout, but we were glad to be able to help him out and do the play again--after all that practice, it's a shame to only do it once.

Well, my character definitely gets the most laughs in this play.  (It's about time--too many comedians hogging the spotlight all the time  ;-)  After the show, a lady was telling my brother what a good job we did and she asked me if I was really Irish.  I laughed it off and said, "No, ma'am.  I'm about as country as they get!"  "Well," she said, "you have a wonderful brogue!"  I was glad she noticed.  I worked really hard on it.  Sometimes it was more British sounding...sometimes slightly Indian...sometimes, well, I don't know what it was.  Some "new" nationality, I suppose. 

So that's my claim to fame.  I'm "Kentucky-Irish."  Go figure.

I've never played darts...

This morning was Lu.pron shot #4. They've been going just fine...just a little pinch when the needle goes in. J's been giving me the shots. He tells me how brave I am, but I feel like a wuss because he gave me the shot.

This morning, however, things changed. I got up and prepared my syringe like I have every morning. After waiting for it to warm up, I got back up to get this job done. J didn't hear me get up, I guess, because he was snoozing away.

I looked in the mirror and told myself I could do this...I wiped down with my alcohol pad and everything I've ever known or read about self-injecting ran through my head. For some reason, the part about jabbing quickly-as if you were throwing a dart-stuck in my brain. That's when I realized I have never played darts. I decided I just couldn't do this fast. I peeked around the corner to see if maybe J was awake after all...then got mad at myself for doing so. He wasn't. So, I did the only thing I knew to do.

I wiped down with alcohol again. That bought me another 20 seconds. By this time my hands were all sweaty and I considered washing them again. Instead, I just reminded myself how ridiculous this was an I had to just do this. But the quick-jab method just didn't work for me. I just couldn't do it that way. Instead, I put the tip of the needle against my skin and just pushed gently until it broke skin. To my surprise, it worked. And it didn't even hurt.

We'll see if I can do it in under 10 minutes tomorrow.

I'm in trouble...

J is getting irritated with me because I don't know what to tell him I want for Christmas. I seem to have a one-track mind these days, but he says that doesn't count. Any ideas?

An anniversary of sorts

One year ago today, our babies were conceived. After the retrieval, we were so full of hope. Now here we are a year later with three transfers and 2 miscarriages under our belts. And empty arms. Hoping to find myself filled with that same hope this go around. With any luck, we'll be planning for 'Baby's 1st Christmas' this time next year.

First shot done!

This morning started the "real stuff."  I've been psyching myself up for the injections for weeks--well, since I knew for sure we were starting this cycle.  I was determined to do this round myself...since J HAS to do the other two types for me (they're IM). 

Last night, I scrubbed down the vanity so I'd have a nice clean place to work.  I gathered all of my supplies and left them there overnight. 

All that was left was to grab the vial from the fridge and prepare the syringe this morning.  I did that right after I got out of the shower so I could get it to room temperature before injecting.  Finally, the moment arrived.  (I chose to do the injection around 6:30 so I wouldn't have to get up super early on the weekends.)  I pinched up my skin, took a deep breath and...J gave me the shot.  It didn't hurt much.  Here's how it went down.

Just as I was waving my hand over my belly to dry the alcohol, J came into the room.  He asked me what I was doing.  I told him I needed to try this for myself.

"Why?"  he asked.  "So you can be upset with yourself if you can't do it?  Why don't you let me do this for you and in a few days when you see that it doesn't hurt if you still want to try it, you can."

So, I let him do it.  He says it's the least he can do.  (I think he's just remembering the meltdown I had last night after church.  Don't know what my problem was--just couldn't stop the tears.)  Anyway, I am glad to have the first one overwith.  We'll see how it goes from here.

Thanks, everybody, for the tips and advice.  I haven't used ice yet, but we'll see what tomorrow brings!

Hugs and love,

Any last minute pointers?

So, I'm a Lu.pron virgin and injection #1 is scheduled for tomorrow morning.  Anybody got any last-minute advice?  I think I've watched every video posted on the world wide web.  Twice.  I've read every message board posting I've found, and I'm still scared.  Yes, of such a tiny little needle.  Well, I'm not so much scared of the needle itself but rather the thought of jabbing it into my own stomach.  J has offered to do this for me, but I really want to try to do it myself.  I want my baby to know that I loved him/her that much.

They were talking on the news this morning about the CMA awards being tonight.  Boy, did that bring back memories.  J and I got stuck in an overpriced hotel room on CMA night last year because we went to stay the night before our egg retrieval the next morning.  It's hard to believe it's been a year this week...although I got the bill yesterday for storage of our embabies for the next year.  Boy, they don't forget to charge you for anything, do they?

Hugs and love,

Should I be concerned?

I went back through my big box of drugs last night...even dug out my practice materials from IVF class last September.  (Poor orange...never saw it coming.  Now, if I can just get that needle to go into my belly as easily as it slid past that orange peel...)  I noticed that there was something different about my new needles.  I couldn't quite figure it out, but after sorting through things a bit, I decided they are shorter.  So, I pulled out my leftover syringes from PIO last time and sure enough, the new needles are only the 1" kind instead of 1 1/2 inch.  Should I bring this up to the doc?  I researched it, and from what I've read the one inch variety are only used for super skinny people, kids, and older folks with not-so-much padding in their rears.  I do not fit this bill.  At all. 

I don't begin any IM shots until the 17th, which is when I go for my suppression check, and I DO have a few leftover 1 1/2 inch needles, should they change their minds about what I need to keep me on schedule until I can get new ones shipped if need be.

I shouldn't know about all of this.  Ordinary people should NOT know the difference between guage sizes, needle lengths, and types of syringes.  Grr. 

One year ago today...

...this little fella pranced into my life

and left his paw prints on my heart forever.

For more adorable pics (yeah, I know I'm biased) of our little guy on his first day with us, click here.  It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.  We were in the middle of our fresh IVF cycle.  I don't know if I could have gotten through all of our heartaches in the past year without J and Jax.  Jax is always willing to dole out kisses...especially if I'm crying.  He hates tears and licks them all away.

Now, my baby is all grown up.  He weighs about 19 pounds.  He loves to play with his toys, and knows some of them by name (Smoky -- his bear, Freddy, puppy dog, ball, and red rover).  J took a video of him "finding Freddy" from another room. 

I SWEAR there was no one in the other room helping him.  The only people home were  me and J.  We were both in the family room the whole time.  My dog is just smart. 

So, thanks, Jax, for making me a furmommy.  At least I have been able to mother something this year.  I never thought I'd be a dog person.  My aunt would be so proud.

There's Just Something About a New Toy

Jax got a new toy yesterday (even though he "read" the Sports Illustrated while we were in town).  It was half off since Halloween is over, and it had been a while since he got something new.  I think he likes it.  What do you think?

He have rested on the pillow, but it was occupied by Funship Freddy.  :-)

Because everybody needs a little help...

Jax helped J work out last night.  Isn't this the sweetest picture?

Two hours later, he looked like this:

Yeah, he's not spoiled.  A half hour later, he was OUT cold and I thought we'd have to carry him to bed.

It's a rough life, huh?

He actually slept in until 7 this morning.  I hope he does the same tomorrow, as it's my weekend day to get up with him. 

Hope your weekend is treating you well.

Hugs and love,

Enough to Cause Anxiety...

So I mentioned yesterday about being quite overwhelmed by all the needles and syringes and medicines in my box when it arrived.  Here's the rundown.  Instead of taking one picture of the whole enchilada all spread out like I did with our fresh cycle, I snapped photos this time of the meds in the order I will take them along with all of the tools that go with them.

Drug #1 Lu.pron

I'm a little confused by the amount of syringes here--25--but this is also the only drug I'm 100% certain have the correct needles in their picture!  This one starts next Thursday--November 10.  I'm hoping to try doing it myself....we'll see.

Drug #2 Estra.diol Val.erate

I think I got the right needles in this picture, but I won't swear to it.  I'll be sure and find out before I start taking the drug, though.  This one is taken intramuscularly (that's in the hip for those who might not know) 2-3 times per week beginning November 17 until....well, I'm not sure.  If  When the test is positive, I have to keep this up, but I don't know for how long.  Fun stuff.

Drug #3 Prog.esterone in Oil

I've taken this one before, so I'm fairly certain I got the needles right here.  That's what helped me figure out which ones to use for the 2nd drug.  This daily intramuscular injection will begin sometime around November 30.  I'm not sure of the exact date because that will depend on how quickly my lining thickens and the scheduling of the transfer.  I do know that at some point after that positive test (how's that for positive thinking?) I should be able to switch to some other form of progesterone.

So that, my friends, has been all that's on my brain all day long--the box of needles in my bedroom.  I'll be honest--I'm scared of them all.  I don't want to take any of these darned shots.  But I want more than anything to be a mother.  I want to join the PTO and scare away monsters in the closet and tuck somebody in at night and be the one that is called in the middle of the night to calm fears or wipe a nose or snuggle just because.

Well, we're on BCP #8 today.  Ten more to go.  I'm sorry this is all I seem to talk about, but I haven't told anybody IRL that we're doing this so there's no one to vent to.  It wouldn't matter anyway.  They don't know about it.  Sure, they can listen, but I forget and start speaking IF--a language none of them understand. 

Hugs and love,

Emotions, mail, and a new guilty pleasure

I posted here about all the different emotions.  Sure, I meant them in a different context at the time that I wrote that post, but I think I've experienced all of these emotions at some point today.  I began the day quite nervous about the HSG.  After donning a gown with 3 armholes (yeah, they had a picture on the wall to tell you how to put it on), I had only a short wait until they were ready for me.  Thankfully, it wasn't nearly as bad as I remember it being the last time.  The radiologist had a little trouble getting a good view of my cervix (it's shy), but what else is new.  He said my tubes are as open as open can be.  Good!

That kind of made me angry that I had to 1) take time off work, 2) go through the stinking test, and 3) pay for it out of pocket.  But I didn't stay angry for long.  It just wasn't worth it.  At least we know, right?

Before I left home, I managed to snap this picture from the driveway.  It was trying to cloud up, but the sun was still shining behind the house.  I thought it made for a pretty awesome picture. 

After my appointment this morning, I had some time to kill before going to work (a half-day wasn't over until 11:00) so I ran to pick up a prescription and get some breakfast before heading back to school.  I decided I needed a treat and stopped for one of these:



I think I'm in love.  This is definitely my current guilty pleasure.  (Move over Halloween candy!)  I'm glad it's a seasonal item because I could be in serious trouble otherwise.  This is kind of a big deal.  I'm NOT a coffee drinker, but I could totally dig this.  Like, every day.  J asked me if I'd been bouncing off the walls since I'm not used to caffeine.  Drat.  I forgot about the caffeine.  I guess I'd better not like it too much, huh?

So, after adding 2 more people to the list of who-has-seen-my-hooha and teaching half a day, I came home to find this in the mailbox:

Yeah, this is a different formula sample than the one we got a couple of weeks ago.  Grr.  Wish I needed them.  Thanks for the reminder, Similac and Enfamil.

Not long after I got home, my big box o' meds arrived.  I was expecting it, but when I opened it to find 3 different meds, 3 different types of syringes and 4 sizes of needles, I was completely overwhelmed and reduced to tears.  I took some pics, but I'm too overwhelmed to blog about that today.  Maybe tomorrow...

What will tomorrow bring?

Who knows?  I have to go for my repeat HSG in the morning.  Fun, fun, fun.  [Insert sarcasm]  I remember how much I enjoyed the last one and just can't wait to jump up on that table again. 

I'm a little concerned because I only took a half day off work.  I remember feeling pretty rough for a little while afterwards last time, but I'm hoping I will be okay.  I feel so guilty for leaving my kiddos with so many substitutes...and there are more in their future.

I don't really expect anything to show up--everything looked good last time--but I also am not one to prematurely count my chickens. 

Wish me luck. 

Hugs and love,

Ten down, two to go

Months of blogging straight, that is.  I can't believe it's November already.  I have blogged every single day for 10 straight months.  Sixty-one more days until my goal is complete.  Hopefully, this will be enough to keep me blogging regularly next year.  I don't plan on trying to do it every single day then, but at least a few times a month.  Ya know...when something blogworthy happens. 

I think I set this goal in the first place because it was something I could control.  There are so many things I want in my life that I have absolutely no control over, and I just wanted something I could decide to do for myself and do it without anyone's assistance.

*Sigh*  I have 9 more days to psych myself up for Lu.pron.  Not looking forward to an endless assortment of injections.  Meds will be here on Thursday.  I'll be sure and post a pic.  Too bad they all come with needles. 

Hugs and love,