Not a Team Player

I have decided that AF is DEFINITELY not a team player.  The evil wench is hiding from me, and it's her turn to bat.  Figures.  When I want to keep her at bay, she insists on visiting, but when I am anxious for her visit, she stays away.  Hmph.  Guess I'll go have some chocolate and wait it out.

Hope you're having a good week.

Isn't he handsome?

Jax got a haircut today.  It had been a while.  Like June.  He was plenty scruffy, and I know the poor thing was burning up.  But now, he can see again! 

Nobody told me to worry...

...so I didn't.  Back in May, I posted about some abnormal findings at our follow-up appointment with the RE following our m/c.  She went over some bloodwork results with us that confirmed I had protein C and protein S deficiencies as well as lupus anticoagulant antibodies.  All clotting disorders (in case you aren't familiar).  While I was told that they are likely hereditary, nobody ever told me to be concerned about this or to take action immediately.  All I knew was that the next time we attempted to get pregnant, it would involve Love.nox injections to thin my blood.

BUT

Last Thursday, I went for a check-up with my family doctor.  (I have been medicated for high blood pressure since I was 23, so I have to be seen every 4 months.)  After examining me and getting all of my vital signs recorded, he asked me how things were going.  (He knows about the IVF/FET.)  I told him that it had been a stressful few months.  He asked what was going on and I told him.  He offered his condolonces, and I told him about the follow-up testing and what we found out from it.  He pulled the results up and FREAKED out! 

Then, I get this whole rambling speech about needing to be on a blood-thinner like cou.madin because the lupus anticoagulant antibodies puts me at risk for developing serious blood clots.  He talked himself out of that one because he knows I can't take that while pregnant.  So, I "calmed" him down by telling him that they're planning to repeat these tests before our next FET to make sure the results weren't skewed.  He relaxed a little, and said to keep him in the loop. 

So, great.  Just great.  My body is totally messed up.  And it's looking like I get to add more meds (and needle sticks) to my repertoire...indefinitely.  Is it too late to trade my body in for a working model?


Hugs and love,

I hope you are all safe...

I just want all of my blogger buddies on the East coast to know that you've been in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope you are all safe and do not suffer much damage. 

Deal of the Day

I scored an awesome deal today when we went to the grocery.  I'd been harboring a coupon for $1.00 off Pill.sbury Sweet Mom.ents bite-sized brownies for a couple of weeks (or more) now.  I just couldn't bring myself to pay even the discounted price for something I might not like or wouldn't get to enjoy because of the calorie content (not bad, really...60 calories each).  But today, we were getting a can of biscuits when I noticed a "Manager's Special" sticker on the package of chocolate caramel brownie bites.  Interested, I picked it up to find that they were marked down (heaven knows why...maybe because it was the old packaging?) to $1.79.  I checked the other two packs and they, too, had the magic orange sticker.  It wasn't my imagination.  I can't believe I got them for $0.79!  With AF expected to arrive sometime next week, I believe they'll come in quite handy!

Furry Friend Friday!

I SO wish I had realized what this blog link-up stuff was all about sooner.  Sounds right up my alley, and I would have loved to participate.  The first month of school is just so darn busy...I didn't get a chance to read up on it until this morning.  I just may do those posts anyway, even if they are a month late!

Nevertheless, Krissi at Stress Free Infertility has done a Friday Link-up and today's topic is furry friends.  Really?  Somebody WANTS me to write about my sweet Jax?  Well, okay, then!  I seriously don't know how I'd have gotten through our heartbreaks this past year without my dear, sweet little guy.  We brought him home right in the  middle of our fresh IVF cycle back in November.  He was 13 weeks old and looked like this:

He was a cuddler right from the start, which is just what I needed.  He provided a great distraction from what we were going through, and he brought me great comfort when we lost our little peanut.  Even though my heart was breaking, he was always ready to snuggle in my lap and give kisses.

The day we had our FET, he curled up in my lap the minute we got home and stayed there for a good hour, despite being a daddy's boy (and J was even home with me).  It was like he knew something was up with me and he wanted to protect me.  He's been good practice for mommyhood--he wakes us up early (mostly J because, after all, he is daddy's boy), and he brings his toys over to play with us and usually demands the attention of everyone in the room.  He gives great kisses and snuggles, and loves to cuddle up for a good nap, sometimes with his toys...

and sometimes with his mama...

He loves to go for rides in the car.

watch TV...

cheer his team on...

and stretch all out (and he'd rather play with a tennis ball than anything in the world)...

Even my parents (Jax's "grandparents"),who were NOT really pet people, are quite smitten with him.  Yes, he is one spoiled little creature.  And I don't know what I'd do with out him! 

Hugs and love,

An anniversary of sorts

It's hard to believe that exactly a year ago, I posted this.  (Okay...technically, I made that post a year ago tomorrow, but our first appointment was a year ago today.)  Yep.  365 days later and still no baby...just a couple of heartbreaks. 

BUT...

I choose to believe that the best is yet to come. 

Not enough hours in the day...

I just can't seem to keep my head above water.  I feel like I'm drowning.  It seems there's always something to do--always papers to grade, lessons to plan and gather materials for, laundry to fold, dinner to cook, and probably a list of other things that I'm to busy to remember at the moment.  I know I'm not special--everybody is busy, but I just wanted to take a moment to gripe about it.  Apparently I've been crabby lately, or so I've been told.  So, I'm working on it.  Too bad they don't sell laid-back personalities at Wal.Mart.

Thank you, Crayola...

...for ruining my Spanish lesson today!  We started colors today, which should have been a "fun" lesson.  I had a neat activity all planned out for my kiddos to do.  First, I gave them a sheet with some boxes on it.  I put up a list of colors on the board for them to use to color the boxes--the order didn't matter, but they were to put the English word for the color above the box.  Then, I had a powerpoint slideshow I made for us to go through so they could write down the Spanish equivalent of those colors.  Well, most of my kids had Cra.yola brand crayons or coloring pencils.  Yeah, those have the Spanish words on them, too.  Sucked the fun right out of that lesson.  The kids even argued with me about a couple of colors they got wrong.  (A few of the colors have more than one translation, apparently.) 

Maybe for next semester, I'll supply the crayons...and they WON'T have any paper on them!

Guilty Pleasure...

I learned this morning that one of my guilty pleasures is shared by a local news anchor and weather man.  I don't know if I find comfort in that or not, but I was glad to know that I am not the only person who does this.  Well, my brother does it, too, but I taught him to.  What is this, you ask?  I dip my fries in my Fro.sty when I go to Wend.y's.  Only chocolate, of course.

My mom says it's weird.  Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. 

Darn.  Now I need some "Frosty Fries." 

Your Questions Answered

On Wednesday, I opened the "floor" for questions from my dear readers.  Here are the questions I received and their responses.

How/when did you meet your husband?
I blogged a bit about this here, but the short version of the story is we were introduced by a mutual friend in October 2005.  We met at Chuck E. Cheese's (click on the link for the story about why).  I remember telling a coworker at the time that I was nervous it would work out.  I said, "What if this works out?  I'm going to have to tell our children that I met their father at Chuck E. Cheese's!"  But, alas, here we are.  We've been inseparable ever since.  He'd probably like to ditch me every once in a while, but he's stuck with me!

How long have you been a teacher and what prompted you to do so?
You'd think this question had a simple answer, but it doesn't really.  I graduated from college in December 2001, and started teaching in January 2002.  So, at Christmas this year, I will have 10 years in.  Wow!  It's hard to believe.  I think I really always knew I wanted to be a teacher.  My mom was a teacher, so I grew around it.  Even though I toyed with the idea of other careers my whole life, education was always my choice in between other "careers."  Early on, I just liked the tools--ink pens, staplers, a grade book, paper clips...you name it, I loved it.  I played school with my dolls, in true little girl fashion.  I even brought home papers from the extras pile in my classroom when my teachers would let me.  Then, I'd label them with the fake names of my "students," complete them in pencil, and grade them in red ink.  Sometimes I'd even take spelling tests for them so I could grade them. 

Late in high school, though, I was adamant about following my ultimate dream (to perform on Broadway).  I had every intention of majoring in theater and moving to New York after graduating.  Even so, I began with a major in Elementary Education...fully intending to change it after the first year of general ed requirements.  But after the first course in the theater department my very first semester (which, incidentally, fulfilled a gen ed requirement, so it wasn't a waste), I decided that I didn't really fit in with this crowd and stuck with my original major. 

Now, I'm glad I did.  I still act whenever possible (community theater), and I have to entertain fifth graders every single day.  But my passion lies with helping children find that "a-ha" moment. 


If you could live in any country in the world, where would you live?Gosh, this one's tough...since I've only been to one other country.  So, given what I know about the world, I guess I'd choose Italy (provided I knew how to speak Italian).  I love the food, and it's one of the top-ranked places to live.

What's your favorite candy bar?
Without a doubt, my favorite is "Whatchamacallit."  It has a little bit of all my favorite things--caramel, peanut butter, chocolate...just can't go wrong!

Who is your hero? Why?
This one's a toughie, too.  There have been several points in my life where I could have answered this question without even thinking about it.  Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Sally Ride, Pamela White...but right now, I think my answer would have to be anyone who has ever fought IF and survived.  Regardless of your method of "fighting" -- ART procedures, adoption, OPKs and temping, or just the good old-fashioned "trying," you are my heroes.  You've proven time and time again that you'd go to Hell and back for your children, and, having seen a lot of parents who didn't apparently give two cents about their children, it makes you a hero in my book.  I know what you've gone through (for the most part), and I know the struggles you've faced and the amazing strength you've shown.  We're there for each other when the world can't understand. 

This was fun.  Thanks for giving me some great questions to think about.  Now, I have some Spanish lessons to plan!

Happy Sunday, all. 

Hugs and love,

Typical Saturday

It was a typical Saturday around our house.  Well, except for the part where Jax tore up my hymnal...but he only chewed up a couple of pages.  I think J felt really bad about it, though, because he has apologized several times today.  He shut Jax out of the bedroom this morning so he wouldn't bother me while J went to run.  Around 7:00, I got up because I heard him chewing on something (and he had been scratching at the door a few minutes earlier).  When I walked into the living room, there was a newspaper and one of my spiral-bound hymnals scattered in pieces on the floor. 
I was in the middle of cleaning it up when J got home.  He could see how upset I was,  but I tried to stay calm and not get angry.  I cleaned out my little corner beside the piano, and now I have to find another place to keep my music.  There's just not enough room in the bench.  It's got to be something that closes, too, to keep my nosy little buddy out of it.  But I'm trying not to let it bother me.  It's just stuff.

I'm trying really hard not to fly off the handle about things.  I wish I was as easygoing as J.  I'm pretty uptight most of the time.  Things get to me...things that really shouldn't.  I'd like to throw my temper out the window.  (Yeah, I laughed at the irony, too.)

Hope your weekend is splendid!

Hugs and love,

Tired

By an interesting turn of events, I didn't get to post at my planned time tonight (during J's workout) because I had "surprise" company.  A couple stopped by to plan out wedding music.  I'm playing for their wedding...in 3 weeks.  Yeah, I didn't offer to learn new stuff for them at this point in time.

Jax did pretty good with them being here, though.  No aggression, just a low growl.  That's progress.

Then we went for a walk and stopped in to visit with my parents for a bit.  Now it's nearly 11:00 and we're just getting home.  My mouth hurts.  I think my gums are swollen in the very back of my mouth...it's most likely from my wisdom tooth.  Even my ear hurts, but I think it's probably from my tooth situation.  Blech.

I'm too tired for this to be interesting.  Sorry.  Maybe tomorrow.

Don't feel bad...

I hope no one took offense to yesterday's post.  It was NOT my intent to make anyone feel bad for not commenting on my blog when I'm not posting about IF stuff.  It was merely an observation of mine.  Really.  It's okay.  I'm bad about just reading and not commenting on blogs myself most of the time.

As a matter of fact, I find myself wanting to jump in and comment sometimes but don't because I either have never experienced what that person is going through or everybody else has already said what I would have said and I don't want to look like a copycat.  I do make a point to let people know I'm thinking about them if they're having a tough time regardless of how many other people have already said the same thing.

So, my offer to answer questions still stands.  Lurkers, if there are any, you're welcome to ask them, too.  I don't want to bore anybody, but it's kind of neat to learn new things about our "friends."

I'd like to write more, but there are 3 sets of tests just waiting to be graded.  Fun stuff.

Running Out of Steam...

Being over halfway through my eighth straight month of blogging, I am finding it difficult to continue to come up with interesting blog posts.  I know, some would argue that most of what I write is not interesting, but some of you have stuck around for this long and deserve something "good" to read every now and then.  I've recently joined a group called "Prompt-ly" and am trying to find some time to devote to responding to some of the prompts people have posted.   Things have been kind of slow on the commenting front as of late, and I know that it's because most of my regulars are fellow TTC'ers.  Since I'm currently waiting to wait, not much is happening on that court. 

So, here's my proposition: let me know what YOU want to know!  If there's something I've never talked about (or at least not that you've read) that you'd like to know, post your question(s) in a comment.  This weekend, I'll post the answers (or over multiple days if there is a massive amount of information to share).  I'm pretty open on here, so there are very few things I will not answer.

Ooh...I'm nervous and excited about this all at the same time.

Hugs and love,

Then and Now

Gee, with a title like that, you're probably expecting some deep account of the resulting emotions of some trial or tribulation...not so, my friends.  Instead, I'm going to share a conversation I overheard this afternoon at the bookshelf (it's the new watercooler, ya know).    Now, keep in mind that I teach 5th graders--typically 10 and 11 year olds.  It's been 20 years since I was an 11 year old, which means it's been 21 years since I was in the fifth grade myself.  Here's what I imagine a typical conversation among acquaintances was like then:

Me: Hey, did you see Full House last week?  It was awesome!
Friend: Yeah, it's my favorite show.
Me: Mine, too!  My little brother has a crush on Michelle.  That's even what he calls the show...Michelle.
Friend: That's too funny.  What does he call Family Matters?  Steve Urkel?
Me: As a matter of fact, he does!  The whole family calls them that, and we all know what we're talking about!

Boring, by today's standards, I guess...but that's what was going on at the time.  Here's what I heard today:

Girl: So your sister sent me a message on Fa.ce.bo.ok, I don't know, like 2 or 3 weeks before school started and said that I should go out with you.  She said, "You'll never regret going out with L...."

Boy: Yeah, my sister is stupid.  I was already in a relationship when she even sent that message.  I don't know what she was thinking.

Girl: Yeah, I figured.  I knew you were serious with M.... at the end of school.  I just blew it off.  Tell her I wasn' ignoring her really, just the message.


Oh, my goodness!  Kids are too "grown up" for their own good!  Boy, oh, boy.  I've got my work cut out for me!

By this time next month...

...we'll be "dangerously" close to our transfer.  Yikes!  That means I'll be a heck of a lot closer to more shots.   (Hopefully...did I just wish to self-inject?)  I'm not sure when they'll start.  I've done a lot of research on this particular topic (the burden of having 6 weeks off after finding out about the whole situation), and the protocol seems to vary by doctor and even disorder.  Some begin the injections before transfer, some right after, and some not until they get a positive test.  Suffice it to say that within the next six weeks I'll either be "shootin' up daily" or grieving because I'm not.  Hmph.

Today was school picture day.  Yes, already.  I hate it being on a Monday.  It's been like that for several years now.  Even though we remind, remind, remind, people still forget.  Even the teacher across the hall from me forgot.  Oh, well.  Such is life.  Seriously, though, one of my brother's best school pictures was taken one year when he forgot to tell mom it was picture day.  He got in mucho troubl-o at the time, but mom forgave him for wearing his Toy.Story t-shirt when the proofs came in.

I'm off to do the laundry.  The first load just got done washing (like you care).  I hate Mondays.  But I love all of you!

Have a happy week!

Hugs and love,

Life Changes

As we were playing outside with Jax at my grandmother's house today, I paused to take the following picture:

It's my grandmother's "new" empty garage.  No, the garage isn't new, but it is newly empty.  You may recall that she broker her hip back in June.  She spent the next two months recovering in the rehab unit at the hospital and then at my parents' house.  She was able to go home last week.  But we were able to convince her that she really didn't need to be driving anymore.  So, my dad sold her car.  This was the first time I'd seen her empty garage. 

You might look at it and see an old-fashioned, makeshift house for a car, but I see lots of memories.  I learned to drive on her farm, so I spent a lot of time in my early-mid teenage years backing and pulling in and out of that garage.  My cousins flipped the swing that's in the very back, and I remember sitting in the car inside the garage listening to the ping-ping of  raindrops on the roof as we waited out a storm after returning to Nana's house.

It kind of makes me sad to think that it will never again be filled with a car.  I know it means that my grandmother is getting older. Nana always wanted me to write a book about all those Sunday afternoons our little family spent together.  Maybe...just maybe...I'll attempt it.  It might not be the makings of a NY Times Bestseller, but it could make for some interesting blog posts.

Hugs and love,

Planning Ahead

Today, I went Christmas shopping.  You laugh, but I prefer to shop early.  In fact, I already had several gifts bought before today.  I come by it honestly.  In fact, my mom bought some birthday gifts for J today...for next April. 

I guess my brain decided to shut down for a bit, though, because I went to the dressing room to try on some tops and the first thing I did was take off my shoes.  Yeah.  I know.  You don't have to take off your shoes to try on a shirt, but at least they were flip-flops so it didn't take any work to put them back on.  My mom ended up geting me two shirts and I got a pair of pants for J to give me (I help him do his shopping).  No offense to my mom, but I'm hoping those shirts will just hang around in the closet until next fall because they don't fit by Christmas (or at least, not for long).  Same goes for the pants.

I ordered Christmas cards last week and they arrived on Wednesday.  When I told J, he looked at me like I was dumb, but I have plans to fix them while I'm on "bedrest" next month.   I wonder if Christmas stamps are available yet?  I'll have to go check before then.

I'm tired.  It's been a long day.  I've got some papers to grade, but they might just have to wait.  We'll see...

Hugs and love,

Security

I'm so thankful to live in such a "secure" little corner of the world.  This morning when I went to take Jax out, I noticed that our garage door had been open all night.  Not the first time it's happened, but it's been a while.

Gotta make this quick.  My stupid laptop battery is about kaput.  I think I need a new one. 

P.S.  I'm catching up on AGT.  This dog act from You.Tu.be is cracking me up!

#400

This marks post #400 here at my little blog.  I'm kind of amazed by that.  I'm also kind of amazed at the 67 "followers," who I know are not the only ones reading what I have to say.  So, to everyone who has traveled with me along this journey (including all of you who have just joined somewhere along the way), thanks for sticking with me.  I'm thankful for your support. 

So....

In case you have read all 400 posts and still want to know more about me,  found this survey online and thought I'd share my answers here.  Feel free to steal it.  After all, I didn't come up with it myself.

HAVE YOU EVER...

Fallen asleep at the computer? no

Shot a gun? no

Owned an instrument? yes...piano, flute, and violin

Thought about what people would say at your funeral? sadly, yes

Owned more than 5 sharpies? Um, yes...I'm a teacher, you know!

Cried over someone? most definitely

Thrown strange objects? I guess...if they were in my hand when I had an urge to throw something

Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No, but I distinctly remember putting a piece of
popped popcorn up my nose once

Played a prank on someone? Um, yes.  *hangs head in shame*

Forgotten someone's name? No, I'm pretty good with  names.

Been easily amused? Oh, yes.  It's part of my charm.  *grin*

Broken a bone?  Only a toe or two

Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? No...cause I'm not hot.

Played chicken? Nope.  I drive like grandpa

Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?  Are you kidding?  I don't watch scary movies with people in a well-lit room!

Happy Thursday, all.  We've almost made it to the weekend!

Hugs and love,

38 Cents

DISCLAIMER: I am grateful to have a good job that allows me to pay my bills, buy most of the things I want, and still manage to save just a little bit.  Especially the way our economy is going.

HOWEVER...I was quite disgusted today when our check stubs came.  Today was the first payday of the new school year.  While I knew already that we didn't get a raise this year (again), there is an "experience" raise every year until you reach year 20.  I was anxious to see what the difference in pay would be for me this school year.  But when I opened the stub and saw the amount, I think I actually said out loud, "Are you kidding me?"  After some quick calculations, I have discovered that I clear (not earn, mind you, but clear) 38 cents more per day than I did last  year.  Yes, folks, you read it correctly.  With my "raise," I can afford to adopt a starving child in Africa.  (Well, five days out of a week, anyway.)  [I'm sorry.  I know that's not anything to joke about.  But I couldn't help myself.]  I wonder if the big boss got another 5% raise like he did last year?

That being said, I do love my job and am very thankful to have it.  Just needed to rant for a minute.

Hugs and love,

Sorry!

I'm sorry about the error in the title of yesterday's post.  It looked perfectly fine when I typed it and even when I posted it...at first.  But I think it's a font issue.  When my blog entry "popped" into its correct font/background, it took out some letters and special characters.  So, I have revised the title and put the question as the beginning to my post.  Maybe that will help the "grammar police" overlook my blunder.  (Okay, I'm a self-proclaimed officer with the grammar police, but I'll have to admit that I don't look as closely at other people's writing as I do my own.  I'm very self-critical.)

I'll do better.  I promise.  ;-)

First Day Jitters

¿Hablas español?

Yeah, me neither...but today, I found myself teaching it unexpectedly.  Sure, I was warned--a week ago.  But as of Friday, no one could tell me when the classes would start.  I tried to get myself prepared, but was still quite surprised to learn this morning that they would start today.  Like two hours after finding out.  So, what did I do? 

I improvised!  (Which I'm famous for, by the way.)  I let the kids tell me what they expected to learn, then we watched some segments from a video I bought to help with the class, just to give them an idea of some of the things we'll be learning about.  Funny thing...most of them just wanted to know each other's names.  I had to explain to them that while some names translate across languges (especally biblical names), most do not.  They seemed kind of disappointed.  The other Spanish teacher and I are contemplating taking them to a local Mexican restaurant as a culminating activity.  We'll see how it goes...now I've got to go make some plans for tomorrow.  Plus, I hear 3 sets of social studies papers callign my name, just dying to be graded. 

And so it begins...

Hugs and love,

Looking Forward

As AF's visit comes to a close (please, God), I can't help but think about the future.  It's bittersweet, really.  Once we made the decision to try IVF, I would never have imagined we'd be where we are--attempt #3 for baby #1.  Nevertheless, I know that the next time the wicked witch arrives, I won't be full of dread for the coming days but rather making plans.  Plans to call the RE's office to set things up.  Plans to make sub plans for a few of the coming days for monitoring and a stitch and, eventually, a transfer and a day of bedrest. 

I am a little concerned about how the timing will play out.  I have crunched some numbers (because that's what I do) and if this cycle ends at exactly the same day the last one did, and if my dominant follicle grows at the same rate as it did in our last FET, it would put us having our transfer on a Sunday...a church Sunday...our Homecoming Sunday.  Which I suppose I could deal with (as if I had another choice), but there'd be lots more people with questions than if it was any other day.

But I can't worry about that yet.  It's going to be okay.  I do feel a bit mysterious, not telling anybody.  It's like I'm keeping the world's biggest secret.  Sure, I know that all the people I would normally tell are not as absorbed with my life as I am, but I don't ever want to be so selfish that I think "it's all about me." That is NOT the case, and I'm quite aware of it. 

Now, if I could get my back to stop hurting...must be getting old.  :-)  I woke up this way.  I can walk fine, I'm not stooped over or anything, but I can't seem to get comfortable no matter what I try--walking, standing, sitting, reclining...it all hurts.  That's what happens, I guess, when you're over 30!

Happy weekend, all. 

Hugs and love,

I had a dream...

I tried to do some research about how long the average dream is, but all I could find was a bunch of opinions.  It's always been my understanding, though, that they last only seconds or a few short minutes at best.  This amazes me because normally, when I've had a dream that I remember after waking, I can tell you about it in such great detail that it surely took all night for it to play out.  And how is it that I normally have "background information?"  Things that did not happen IN the dream, yet I have all of the pertinent information to know what's going on without questions?  I guess this is where the logical side of my brain meets up with the creative one.

Last night (or sometime this morning, rather), I dreamt that I was pregnant.  Now, this was not just any typical, sunshine-and-rainbows type of life situation, mind you...this was truly the dream of an infertile.  Apparently, there had been multiples (that was never mentioned, just something I "understood" in my dream).  I'm guessing twins.  But we had lost one of them already.  I was at an appointment at the RE's (which was kinda crazy since I wouldn't still be going there at this point, but she was definitely the doctor I was seeing) and expecting the worst.  I just knew that she was going to tell me that the surviving twin wasn't still surviving.  (Though it was, again, just background information rather than something I "experienced" in the dream, I think ther had been some spotting and such.)  She inserted the ultrasound probe (kinda sad that I had to dream about that, huh?) and I commenced to cry.   I braced myself, waiting for the bad news, and refused to even look at the screen.  After a few seconds, the silence was pierced with, "Everything looks great!  Keep using the Lov.enox" and resting as much as you can!"  I snapped my head around in disbelief.  There was the unmistakeable flutter of a heartbeat on the screen I tried so hard to avoid.

I won't bore you with the dialogue that followed, but suffice it to say the dream started on a very somber note and ended in tears of joy.  There was even a scene of announcing to perfect strangers (IRL, my RE's office is in another state, after all) at the mall that I was still pregnant.  I woke up in reall tears.  Maybe this was just to let me know that everything is going to be okay after all.  I can survive shots every day, even if I can't work up the nerve to self-inject for a little while.  I have to believe it's all going to work or there is no use in trying.

Then, reality set in.  Now I'm doing laundry because I bled through my pajamas.  AF and aspirin don't play nicely together.  *Sigh*  At least I didn't have to strip the bed two days in a row.

Hugs and love,

Happy Birthday, Jax!

Yesterday's post was quite somber.  Sad, even.  But I didn't spend the entire day moping around.  (True, I could have done without the pg test MIL gave me that came with one of her medications, but I sucked it up and went about my business).  We had something to celebrate...Jax turned 1!  Here are a few pictures from the day's "festivities."

Celebrating a day early with a treat Grandma and Grandpa bought Jax at the new bakery.

Here's the birthday boy with his favorite human...his daddy.

"What are you looking at?" (We got Jax a booster seat for the car.  This was his first time to try it out.)

Maybe it wasn't too bad, after all.  After we put a pillow underneath, he could still see out the window.

After a visit to Grandma and Grandpa's and a nice, long walk, J decided to fix Jax a little treat.  Here's his "doggie sundae," which was a little scoop of vanilla ice cream with a chewy dog treat sticking out of it.

I think he liked it.  Of course, it was not much fun to clean up at 3:30 when he threw it all up...

Just for the record, he ate the treat first...then the ice cream.  Just like his mama, huh?

 

Sweet Remembrance

Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me? 

(I couldn't find an author for this quote, so if anyone knows who wrote it, I'll gladly give them credit.)

I have mixed emotions about this day.  I've known it was coming, and I've dreaded it since December.  Our due date for baby #1.  I'm trying to remain positive about today rather than wallowing in self-pity.  I know it could be worse.  I know I should be thankful for the good things in my life.  And I am.  So instead of being sad all day long, I'm choosing to force myself to think about and remember the joy of the few precious moments I spent as a mommy-to-be.  My Fa.ce.bo.ok status this morning summed it up pretty well:
Sometimes love is for a moment.
Sometimes love is for a lifetime.
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.

Have a wonderful day, and hug somebody you love.

Google Queries

I've been glued to G.o.o.g.l.e. since I got home from school.  Curious about what's kept me so captivated this afternoon?  (Probably not, but here's a list anyway.)

* Teaching 5th grade Spanish (yeah, still uneasy about that one)
* Coping with miscarriage on due date (been on my mind all week...first one is tomorrow)
* Celebrating my puppy's birthday (also tomorrow)

It's almost dinnertime...the buzzer's about to go off.  I'm off to the kitchen to make my family happy!

Hugs and love,

One step forward...

I just hope I don't take two steps back.  The WICKED WITCH showed up for a visit today.  While it was really the day I had expected her all along, she didn't RSVP like usual, so I didn't know if she was coming yet or not.  It's okay, though.  The next time she stops by, I plan on kicking her into the middle of next summer!

Optimism and a Surprise

I have decided that this is going to be a good school year, all the way around.  I know this is so because I have a Faith, 2 Destinys, and 2 Elijahs (he was a prophet, ya know) in my class this year.  J told me the other night that this class will remember me forever.  When I asked him why, he said, "Because they'll always remember that they had Mrs. Angie in the 5th grade--the year she was pregnant. 

Now for the surprise...remember that all surprises aren't necessarily good ones.  I can't decide which one this is.  We have organized the fifth grade a little differently this year.  We are departmentalized, so I am teaching social studies for a block of two class periods to each of three different homerooms.  That leaves one class period for planning and one for enrichment/intervention classes.  Until today, it was my understanding that I would be teaching a reading intervention class due to my master's degree in literacy.  Around 10:00 this morning, the principal visited my classroom.  He'd already dropped by to say hello to the kids, but this time it was me he was looking for.  Here's how our conversation went:

McR: Would you be willing to teach Spanish?
Me (picking chin up off floor): Um, I guess...
McR: More kids have signed up for it than the other teacher can accomodate.  I can arrange it so you could teach an additional section and not have to teach reading intervention.  If you're willing.
Me: Sure.  I guess.  It's been a while, though.
McR: It won't matter.  You'll be fine.
Me: Okay.

Then he left.  So, now I guess I'll also be teaching Spanish to 5th and 6th graders.  It's been 10 years since my last Spanish class.  I guess I have homework to do!