Ten Years Later...

If you've read this post, you will know that my aunt was a very important person in my life.  Ten years ago today, she was taken from us quite unexpectedly.  My heart still longs for her, and today has been bittersweet.

Having no children of her own, she was just like a second mom to me and my brother.  In retrospect--from an infertile's perspective--this must have been harder than anybody ever knew.  She and my uncle married when she was 19 (nearly 20) and he was 27.  I'm not sure when they started trying to have a family (I'd have talked to her in depth about it if she were here in the last 3 and a half years), but they were unsuccessful in their attempts (she had endo).  The finally decided to adopt and got themselves added to "the list."  Just as they were nearing the top of the list (at least this is the story I've always heard), she found out she was pregnant.  So they got off the list.  Then, she miscarried.  This was at the same time my mom was expecting me.  Nobody else probably knows the strength she must have shown during this unbearable time in her life.  And she loved me more than life, in spite of the circumstances.

For a very long time, I questioned why someone like her would be taken from this world so suddenly.  It was a blessing for her--the paramedics said it was as close to instant as you could get--but it sure was hard on us.  At first, I selfishly thought of all the moments she would miss: my college graduation, my wedding, my children.  But then I thought about all the Sunday afternoons I spent reading instead of talking to her.  Why didn't I just put my book down?  She would often tell me as I was leaving my grandmother's house, "I love you!  I'll see you next Sunday, and don't bring any books!" 

The last time I saw her, she told me she loved me and that she'd see me next Sunday as I was leaving.  She died the following Saturday.  I saw her on Sunday, but it was at the funeral home.  That was two weeks before my 21st birthday.  I went on to graduate from college in December of that same year.  She'd have been there, and she'd have been proud like she always was where I was concerned.  She was the encourager.  She was always sending me cards for every holiday and occasion or even just because. 

As years passed, the pain lessened, but I never stopped missing her--especially on those big days.  The day we went wedding dress shopping, I missed her terribly.  She'd talked about my wedding for my whole life.  About how she'd get to march down the aisle and wear a corsage and be a "special" person.  She was there, though.  I know she was.  Then, when Jeremie and I started trying to expand our family and things weren't going as planned, I'd have given anything just to have her to talk about it with.  She'd have understood when no one else did. 

I have a "date" with my brother in a little while.  We've made plans to visit the cemetary.  It's been longer than I care to admit since I've been.  But I talk to her often--mostly in the car by myself or sometimes in the shower.  She never answers me, but I know she listens. 

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PG UPDATE:

I received a call from my nurse at NFC this afternoon, but apparently I was in a no-cell-coverage spot so she left me a voicemail.  Long story short, they are pleased with my numbers.  First ultrasound is scheduled for 4/15 at 3:00.  I can hardly believe this is happening to me!

Hugs and love,

Good things come...

...to those who wait.  I apologize to the few of you who have beens talking my blog today for results.  My other two blood draws were after school, so I didn't feel a need to take off work to get this one done.  I had very mixed emotions today.  This day would likely make me or break me.  Yes, we potentially have "more tries," but I'm not sure how soon that would be for both emotional and financial reasons. 

The day took FOREVER to end, and I thought I'd never make it to the clinic.  I got there and signed in around 3:15, and then commenced to wait.  And wait, and wait, and wait some more.  Finally, at around 3:40, they called me back.  I had my blood drawn and was out of there by 3:45.  (I forgot to stop and pay my co-paay.  Oops!  They'll bill me.)  Then, J sent me to Ko.hl's because he got an email about a sale they were having.  I tried to shop, really I did.  But my heart wasn't in it.  So, I left.

Just as I was walking across the parking lot to my car emptyhanded, my phone started ringing.  It was the clinic's number.  This was it.  Dum-da-dum-dum.  One way or the other, this phonecall would change my life.  Let's recap, shall we, just in case someone is just joining us.  Last Friday, at 10DPT, our first beta came back at 178.  On Monday, 3 days later, it was 483.9.  That was a good number, but just slightly less than triple the first number like it should have been.  Our doctor's were still pleased with them, though.  Today, my number was...1010!  Thank you, Lord.  J and I decided that we are allowed to be excited.  At least a little bit.

I'm kind of in shock.  I don't know what to feel.  I don't know what to think.  I only hope any passersby don't think I'm a raving lunatic if they saw me sobbing in my car in the Ko.hl's parking lot. 



Hugs and love,

This is the day that never ends!

Whew!  What a long day this has been!  (And I have a sneaking suspicion tomorrow will be even longer, but for other reasons.)  I had a 2+ hour meeting after school, then I raced home to eat a bit of dinner, and I'm about to head out to a meeting at church about a project we're starting.  What I really need is a nap.

Oh, and J forgot to pick up my Prom.etrium, so he has to go back to town when I leave for church.  He's making his mom ride with him so Jax can go, too.  Jax loves to ride.  He'll have a big time--even though he won't even get out of the car.

Hope your Tuesday was more relaxing than mine!

Hugs and baby dust,

The numbers are in...

...and they are 483.9!  One more hurdle to jump on Wednesday, and then HOPEFULLY I won't have to have any more betas drawn.

Oh, I also had a "You-might-be-an-infertile-if" moment today at school.  During our afternoon break, a student walked by and said, "Hey, what's up, Mrs. Angie?"  I just smiled at him, but my brain screamed, "My hCG level, I hope!"  Geesh.

Hugs and baby dust,

I have a strong inkling...

...that it's gonna be a looooong week.  Beta #2 is tomorrow afternoon.  I'll admit, I'm not nearly as confident that my numbers will rise appropriately as I was during our fresh cycle.  For some reason, after we got that first number back last time, it never entered my mind that they might not double by the second test.  I just assumed everything would work out perfectly.  This time, though, despite our strong first number doubt has crept its way into my feeble brain.  I did break down and tested again this morning--just to see if the line was getting darker.  It seemed to be.  At least I hope it wasn't just my eyes seeing what they wanted to see.

Oh, well.  If I make it until Wednesday, I think I can survive the week.  Now I'm going to go watch The Amaz.ing Race  with J before it's bedtime and this weekend is over.

Hugs and baby dust,

Super Saturday

I don’t have much to talk about today. It’s a rainy, cool day here. Perfect for snuggling up with a blanket and a good book. Is that what I did? No. We ran our usual Saturday errands—including lunch and a trip to the grocery store. Nothing too exciting. But there were a couple of special moments today.


J and I had lunch at our favorite restaurant. J ordered one of his usuals and I tried something different—a chicken fajita quesadilla. From the description, it sounded like something I would really like. Well, it arrived and it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. I started eating the first wedge of it, and found some unexpected ingredients. But I was perfectly willing to suck it up and eat it anyway. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with it, it just wasn’t one of my new favorites. But that just wouldn’t do. When our waiter came by, J flagged him down and told him that I would like something else because I really didn’t like what I got. He apologized, and I hastily ordered something else. I was embarrassed, but J said that I’d better get used to people fussing over me. (Don’t know about that part.)

Then, while I was waiting for my second round of lunch to arrive at tour table, I pulled out my phone to see if I had any messages. Imagine my surprise when I had an email from our favorite ice cream shop letting me know that my favorite flavor (yep, chocolate peanut-butter buckeye) was made today! I told J, and he said he’d take me by to get some. As we were coming out of Sam’s Club, it had begun to rain. We were heading to get ice cream, and that meant that we’d get a free second scoop. When we got there, I was upset to see that the flavor was NOT on the menu. Since we were at the drive-thru, I couldn’t easily throw a good fit, but J said that he’d ask them about it since I’d gotten an email. He did, and they said they had it. I ordered a quart (for hard times, ya know). J said it could either be a week for celebration or I could need it for comfort. Oh, and I had two scoops right then.

All in all, it was a good day—even if it wasn’t 80 degrees and sunny. Now I’m back home, groceries unloaded and put away, ready to snuggle up with my sweetie and our furbaby. Maybe I won’t sleep through all of our shows today!

Hugs and baby dust,

Beta #1 is in...

...and it's 178.  I know that's not a very impressive number compared to some of yours, but I'll take it!  It's higher than my second beta last time.  Thanks so much for your positive thoughts.  I'm not getting too excited yet, but things are definitely looking up at the moment.

Hugs and baby dust,

Logic

I love, Love, LOVE logic problems.  I work them with my students, and I even bought a whole magazine-style book of them to take on vacation with me one year.  Yes, I'm a dork.  One time, I found this website that publishes a new logic problem every month.  I could hardly wait each month until they got the new one posted.  You could print them to work on paper or click through them right on the screen.  I shared it with my brother, the math teacher, and he liked it a lot, too.  (Yeah, we're all dorks.  Sorry, bro, if you're reading this.  It's not like you didn't know.) 

Now, most of you are familiar with my dilemma this week.  We transferred 2 grade B formerly frozen blastocysts 9 days ago, and our first beta is Friday (tomorrow).  I've had a scary week with some spotting and a bit of cramping.  On Monday (when it started), I was convinced that it was all over.  By yesterday, I wasn't so convinced and even dared to let myself hope again.  Thus bringing me to the big question: To test, or not to test?  That is the question.  Several of you chimed in with your opinion--mostly in favor of testing, by the way.  In case you haven't read my other blog posts, today would be the testing day if I parallel days with my fresh cycle.  So, did I test, you ask?  Let's work this out logically, shall we?

Here are the facts:
*I've had some light spotting all week.
*I've had some minor cramping all week (off and on--never constant)
*I haven't brought any school work home this week and have been staying off my feet as much as possible.
*I also have 13 stored up cheap tests that expire in July. 

Let's face it, I can't possibly have enough cycles between now and July to use them up.  And I don't want to be wasteful.  Not in this economy.  So, yes.  I tested.  Actually, I tested yesterday afternoon when I got home from school.  I hadn't had a chance to use the restroom since lunch, meaning I'd held it for just over 4 hours.  No since wasting that, either.  I went in with the mindset that a negative test could mean a lot of things: 1) my urine was still too diluted; 2) it was too early still; 3) it really didn't work and I will soon be heartbroken again.  However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that faint second line where before it has always been stark white.  (Well, except for my brief stint as an expectant mom back in November.)  It's not dark, but by golly, it's there.

Now, I know better than to get excited about this.  I probably won't get too excited until after the third beta.  I've been in this exact spot before, and have nothing to show for it.  Of course, I tested again this morning.  This time, the line was a tad darker.  I could see it even before turning on the light directly overhead.  I'm not taking off work tomorrow for the beta, so it will be around 3:30 before I get my blood drawn.  I promise to post results when I know them, though.  Not that I'm so interesting that you'll just be dying to find out, but I know how often I have checked others' blogs hoping to see news.  I'd hate to keep you waiting. 

So, keep us in your thoughts if you will.  I have a feeling it's going to be a long week waiting to jump that third hurdle. 

Now, to kill some time, I think I'll go find that logic puzzle website again...

Hugs and baby dust,

Hope Returns?

Thanks so much for your support, everyone. Yesterday was better. Still scant spotting, but almost no cramping. I was feeling better about it, and even sent J a message to let him know. I allowed myself to relax just a little bit. Incidentally, at lunch when I went to the restroom to—ahem—check things out, I was appalled to find the roll of toilet paper was wet. On one side only. How does that even happen? I immediately regretted my decision to use the single stall restroom in order to have a little more privacy in case a “freak-out” was called for rather than the newer 2-stall restroom without a lock on the TP holder. The rest of the day, I was more at ease.


Until dinner time. Then the cramping picked up. I was just sure this was it. And I didn’t have any idea how to prepare myself for it. So I devised a plan. Limit my liquid intake. Yep. That’ll do it. If you don’t have to pee, you don’t HAVE to check things out and can just pretend it’s all okay. The problem with my plan? I like to know things. I’m curious by nature. So what did I do? I walked through the house—stepping over my vicious attack dog barking at a couple of innocent passersby walking down the street—and did my business. And there it was. The same “old” stuff I’ve been seeing since yesterday. Nothing more. Nothing much. I’ll take it, if things really are okay. So, I went back to the family room and ate my last piece of ice cream pie. Yeah, that’ll make me feel better.

By bedtime, even the cramping had tapered off. It was never constant like with AF, but rather came in waves. It was also never as strong as with AF, but there nonetheless. My dear, sweet husband reminded me that he thought it was perfectly normal to spot. I reminded him that nothing about my reproductive system is normal. This morning, there was nothing on the TP at all when I used the restroom. Maybe spot has relocated to some other poor unsuspecting soul. This is definitely not my norm—sure, I’m prone to spotting a day or even two before AF’s unmistakable arrival. But it never comes and goes. It just gets progressively worse. And this hasn’t.

So I can slowly feel hope returning. Maybe, just maybe, you were all right and it was implantation. Oh, I hope so. I’m still on the fence about testing. Paralleling last cycle in November, tomorrow would be the day to test—the day before beta. I’m really thinking about it. As long as I keep in the back of my head that a negative test will not be the definitive answer. That’s what they told us at IVF class way back in September. They encourage us not to test at all since you aren’t guaranteed to pick up a positive HPT before the beta. But the nurse conducting the class said that she didn’t know how anybody could go through all of this and not test. So, she told us that if we planned to just to keep in mind that even a negative didn’t mean anything. I’m still torn, though. Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. I guess we’ll just see what kind of mood I wake up in tomorrow morning.

Again, thank you all so much for your support. Isn’t it funny that we turn to strangers in some of the most terrifying moments of our lives? If not for the kindness of strangers, I guess I’d be a wreck right now. If I haven’t made it by your blog to thank you personally yet, please know I’m trying to make my rounds. I’ll be there soon!

Hugs and baby dust,

Is that the fat lady I hear?

Or is it really not over after all?  Yesterday was TERRIBLE, gals.  I was only at 6 days past transfer and I discovered some very, very, very light spotting.  Beta isn't even until Friday!  What's up with that?  Of course, I freaked out, emailed J that I was spotting, not hopeful, and trying not to freak out.  He calmly replied, "Let's not lose hope!"  Easy for him to say.  It's hard to be optimistic when you all of a sudden feel all crampy and aren't sure whether it's real or in your head. 

I had an appointment with my general practitioner after school, and when I arrived at the clinic I immediately went to the restroom.  (Can't let 'em weigh me with urine in my bladder, can I?)  Nothing much to speak of.  There's barely anything there.  To an untrained eye (i.e., a fertile), there may even be nothing there.  But I see it.  It's definitely there.  Old, brown blood.  My arch-nemesis.  I'm praying for comfort, no matter the outcome.  At this point, I'm just hoping I make it until Friday's blood test.

Love you guys.

Hugs and baby dust

Welcome, March ICLW!

I'd like to welcome you to my blog!  Thanks so much for stopping by.  If you've never been here before, make yourself at home.  I hope you'll find something you like that keeps you coming back.  If you find that my blog isn't for you, have a blessed day anyway! 

If you're interested in my whole story, you can find it by clicking on the "Our TTC Journey" Link above.  If you just want the up-to-date points, my husband and I have been TTC our first child for about 3 and a half years now.  We both have issues...seemingly unsolveable issues.  In November 2010, we completed our first IVF cycle with a positive result.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended as a chemical shortly after our BFP.  We have just completed a FET cycle and are awaiting the results.  Care to join me?

I absolutely LOVE ICLW!  I've met many wonderful, supportive ladies through participation, and I don't know what I would have done without them.  If I can be half as supportive as my blogger buddies have been for me, then I guess I'm doing okay.  I took a few months off, but thought this would be a welcome distraction for me this week as I am waiting to test.

Other than a mommy-wannabe, I am a fifth grade teacher in a tiny little town in Kentucky and have been for nearly 9 and a half years.  I enjoy acting/directing with the local community theater, writing, reading, and playing the piano.  My husband and I have one furbaby, a miniature schnauzer named Jax.  He's totally adorable. 

I look forward to "meeting" each of you.  I also wish you the best along your journey.

Hugs and baby dust,

Five days left.....

...to wait.  I'm halfway there.  I've survived the weekend.  Well, almost.  It's after 6:00.  I think I can busy myself until bedtime and not think too much about IT for the rest of the night.  Then, maybe if I run to the bathroom in the morning and jump straight in the shower when I get up at 5:30, I won't be tempted to test.  Because that's what I DON'T need to do.  At least, not yet.

After much discussion with J (who was no help whatsoever with, "whatever you want to do is fine..."), I have decided that I will test on Thursday morning.  That's what we did last time.  We tested on Thanksgiving morning.  Beta is scheduled for Friday, but I am not taking any time off work.  I'll just go to the clinic where J works after school.  We have somewhat of a plan.  First off, you may think I'm crazy when I explain this.  I don't want them to call me with the results.  For one thing, if it's bad news, I don't want to hear it from them.  I want to be alone with J so I can be reduced to tears without causing a scene.  I also don't want J to have to make that phonecall to me, either.  If it's good news, I don't want him to know before me and I don't want to find out without him. 

So here's our plan: my mom will pick me up at my house after school on Friday and drive me to the clinic.  We'll wait, I'll get my blood drawn, and they'll send it through the window with at STAT label.  Mom and I will go shop or something until J gets off (probably about an hour or so), then he'll meet up with us someplace.  We'll grab some dinner and head home to check on the results together.  Alone.  And I know better than to get excited if they're positive.  One positive test doesn't mean anything, it seems.  So there.  That's the plan.  For now.  Please keep in mind that I am quite hormonal and reserve the right to change my mind.  A  lot.  Which I may do, depending on what I see on that stick on Thursday morning. 

*Sigh*

Hugs and baby dust,

Frugal...Saturday?

Okay, so I realize that a "Frugal Friday" post would have been more poetically titled, but we typically run our errands and make our grocery trip on Saturdays.  Today was no exception.  We had a few additional errands to run, as I needed to pick up a few items for school that the PTO agreed to purchase (lucky me, I'm the treasurer), and J needed something for work.  So, off we went early this morning (okay, 9:00) to attempt to get back in the early afternoon. 

We got our Tar.get, Wal.Mart, and Office De.pot runs in before lunch.  That only left CVS (didn't find what I was looking for at 2 different stores!) and Kro.ger for on the way home.  It is the Kro.ger trip I am most proud of.  We managed to get about $110 worth of groceries for $40.03!  Here's how we did it

         1.)  J transferred a prescription, which gave us a $25 credit on our loyalty card.
         2.)  I purchased items that I had loaded coupons for onto my loyalty card (savings of $3.40)
         3.)  Kro.ger has a 10-item mega event going on: purchase 10 participating items/$5 off.
         4.)  Loyalty card savings: $55.13 (including the $25 from #1)
         5.)  Manufacturer's coupon savings (including a couple of doubled coupons): $8.35.

Deal of the day?  We scored some FREE Gi.llette body wash!

I had previously loaded an ecoupon onto my Kro.ger Plus card for $1.00 off.  But I hadn't been able to use it because they were out of it the past 3 trips I've made.  I also had a paper coupon from the Sunday paper from a few weeks ago for $2 off 1 bottle.  Now, I don't think you're supposed to be able to use both an ecoupon and a paper coupon, but I heard rumor that our Kro.ger didn't really say anything about it.  So I thought I'd try it.  The body wash is $3.99, but was on sale for $3.00.  I did nothing but scan my loyalty card to get the $1 off, then I handed the cashier my $2 off coupon with my other coupons.  He scanned it without saying a word.  So, FREE body wash!  Oh, yeah!  And it was a 16 oz. bottle, too.  Ah, it takes so little to make me happy.

Hope you're having a terrific weekend. 

Hugs and baby dust,

Waiting, waiting, waiting, and Funship Freddy.

It's hard to believe it's already Friday afternoon.  Don't get me wrong--I'm not complaining.  It's just that it has been a crazy, mixed-up week.  I worked on Monday, then our transfer was Tuesday.  I was on bedrest on Wednesday (so I missed church, which threw me off on Thursday).  It's just been a whirlwind kind of week.  Yet Tuesday seems so long ago.  And next Friday, dum-du-du-duuuum, seems so far away!  I don't wanna wish my life away, but I'd sure like to know if there's anything going on inside.  Everyone keeps asking me how I'm feeling.  I don't know what the correct answer is.  I feel fine.  I was a little crampy that first day, but after that I've been perfectly "normal."  Whatever that is.  I felt a few twinges today.  Couldn't keep my mind from wondering about them.  Good?  Bad?  Gas?  Whatever.  I'm trying not to think about it too much.

Here's a new picture of my furbaby to ooh and ahh over.  He loves his Funship Freddy that my mom and dad brought him back from their recent cruise.  If you look closely, you may notice that he's also cuddled up with his monkey.  (The monkey used to have a santa hat on, but he worked it off.  Now, he just wears a scarf.)  'Cuz a fella just needs his buddies.

Hugs and baby dust,

Meet the family!

Thanks, Kitty, for reminding me that I am, indeed, taking care of somebody right now. J likes to remind me that it's actually 2 some bodies. As promised, here is a picture of the embryos we transferred on Tuesday. I'd have posted them sooner, but I wasn't allowed to climb the stairs. J scanned them for me last night. So, here's a peek at what I hope is our first baby picture. Only time will tell, right?

Just because I don't think I mentioned it before, they decided we needed assisted hatching this time. Hope these babies are getting all snugly and settled in.

Hugs and love,

Argh!

I am so bad at bedrest.  I have a hard time letting go of control and letting others do for me.  I'm used to taking care of everyone else.  My mom came over today to make sure I didn't do something I wasn't supposed to.  Boy, was she strict!  I even had to show her the paperwork from the fertility clinic to convince her it was okay for me to take a shower. 

Even though I know my kids will be wild from having substitutes for two days in a row (and two days last week for monitoring and to have the stitch put in), I am somewhat looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.  I suppose because it means I will be doing something other than sitting/laying around.  It's going to be a busy day, though.  After school, I'll have to finish up lesson plans (actually, I may work on those here in a little bit), then come home to cook dinner before my haircut at 5:00.  Then it's back to school for a PTO meeting at 6:00.  Fun times.

So that's where I am.  Bored.  Anxious to get back into a normal routine.  But I promise not to overdo it.  I'll watch what I lift.  I won't do too much bending.  Because there's a lot riding on it...my future!

Hugs and baby dust,

PUPO, Take 2

Today was the day.  And everything was perfect.  Sure, it was cloudy and cool outside, but we somehow managed to hit every traffic light when it was green and did not get caught up in a single traffic issue all the way to Nash.ville.  J took it as a sign.

When we got there--a half hour earlier than we were supposed to (which was an hour before the procedure, anyway), we only had to wait a little bit before they called us back and took us to our room.  It really is our room.  We were in that room for our last transfer, too.  I took my Val.ium, the nurse took my vital signs, and we were left alone to dress for the occasion.  I was allowed to keep my shirt and socks on under the lovely gown they gave me.  (It kind of clashed with my shirt.  I should have gone with a solid.)  J looked quite dashing in his purple scrubs.  Soon after I'd settled myself in bed, the embryologist came in to talk to us.  We found out that it took three thawed embies to have two to transfer, but that's exactly what we ended up doing.  We transferred 2 grade B embryos.  One of them had been a grade A when it was frozen, but it lost a few cells during the thaw process.  The doctor was still pleased with them and said they looked good. They gave us pictures, and I'll post them as soon as we get them scanned.

The procedure was only slightly uncomfortable, just like last time.  The classical music piped into the OR was quite soothing.  J got to look at our babies under the microscope before they loaded them into the catheter.    Then, I got to see my babies put into place on the monitor before they wheeled me back to my room to rest for an hour.  Last time, I was in agony during that hour-long wait before I could empty my bladder.  Of course, last time I drank almost 3 bottles of water, too.  I scaled back a bit this time.  Okay, I cut it in half.  They still said my bladder looked full.  The hour passed quickly--I think I dosed off for a bit--and before I knew it the nurse was in to help me out of bed.

We stopped off for a bite to eat for lunch before heading home.  Of course, J had a ruined surprise up his sleeve, too.  I say ruined because I'm the one who ruined it.  I threw another ice cream fit on Sunday evening when I discovered that my favorite flavor was available and I was missing it yet again.  J followed me to the bedroom, where I was changing the sheets, to tell me that it was his fault because he had a surprise for me.  He'd ordered me an ice cream pie--with my favorite chocolate peanut butter buckeye ice cream--for Tuesday.  Yes, there were tears.  So, we had to go pick it up. 

It's hard to read here, but it says "Hugs and Baby Dust" in purple icing.

J was only slightly disappointed.  He said he asked for the writing to be pink and blue.  I guess they put them together to get purple, huh?  Anyway, those are buckeyes around the pie.  He cut me a piece when we got home.  It was yummy!  I'm so lucky to have him. 

So I've been planted in the recliner since we got home.  Jax cuddled in my lap for a long time right after we got back.  He never does that when J is home.  I think he knows something is up.  My mom is coming over to "baby sit" me tomorrow.  I think she's afraid I'll do something I'm not supposed to.   The good news is that I got all my schoolwork done last night that I brought home with me, so I can spend the whole day reading and watching television!  (And of course, blogging.)  So, I'm officially PUPO again (pregnant until proven otherwise).  I've been a little crampy ever since the transfer.  It's nothing bad, but I definitely feel it.  I hope it's normal.  I've been goog.ling the heck out of it.  Normal or not, apparently it's common--at least among people on FET message boards.

Hope all of you are doing well.

Hugs and baby dust,

Peace

Yes, peace.  That's exactly where I am in regards to tomorrow's transfer--at peace.  I'm not bouncing with excitement like a kid waiting for Christmas.  I'm not anxious with all the wonder of whether it will work.  I'm not scared (mostly because I know exactly what to expect).  I've even managed to [so far] keep my nemeses worry and fear at bay, barely even entertaining the thought that our sweet little embies won't survive the thaw.  I let it pass through my mind, yes, then swiftly kicked it out the other side. 

At Sunday School yesterday, I prayed. I know, I know...not such an unusual task for church.  But this marked the first time I prayed for this cycle and felt like I got through.  I try very hard not to be selfish with my prayers, but it seems like I'm always asking for something lately.  So I have been somewhat reserved with my "requests" to the Lord this go around.  I also know that if I live for Him, he will give me everything I need...and maybe even the things I want. 

Now, I while I didn't get a direct answer or a promise like I've heard people testify of, but I was contented.  I felt calm and peaceful afterward.  And when we went back to our seats from singing class, all that kept rolling around in my head over and over was, "Thank you, Lord."  For what?  I'm not sure.  Maybe just for the peace.

I cannot guarantee that uneasiness won't revisit me tomorrow.  Will I worry about the unknown?  Likely.  Will I ponder relentlessly, "Did it work?"  Perhaps.  Will I attempt to distract myself with activities and tasks?  Most definitely.  But today I am at peace.  And that's a good place to be.

Hugs and love,

I'm in no Danger...

...of running out of things to do while I'm on bedrest this week.  People keep finding things to fill my time.  I had already made a list of books I wanted to read, shows I'd like to catch up on, and I really had a nap in mind each day.  Then, I realized there will be papers to grade (I'm all caught up...then I missed Friday to have my stitch put in).  And my dad has a couple of plays he wants me to read in consideration for our October dinner theater.  I guess those two days of rest won't drag on after all, huh?

Saturday Funny...

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.


Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the 2nd boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, " Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.

A stitch in time...

Well, dear friends, I have survived "The Stitch" that I was so dreading.  It actually wan't that bad.  It was only slightly worse than a pap smear.  Of course, I could have done without the speculum change.  Times 3.  (Yes, Dr. W. had to try 3 different speculums before she found a proper fit that would give her the correct view of my cervix.  Needless to say, she very quickly realized why I needed the stitch in the first place.)  Then, the numbing shot was an unusual sensation.  It was sort of like a sweat bee sting--it only stung for a minute, but yet it was in the oddest of places.  Yes, you know where.  Then, I didn't feel anything while she put the stitch in place.

She did tell me that it's perfectly normal if the strings come out, and that I should just push them back in if they do.  Apparently someone once trimmed them off (which defeated their purpose entirely), which warranted these instructions.  Then she told me I'd have some spotting--which I have--but I shouldn't worry about it.  I got my check-out papers and my Vali.um prescription for the transfer and was on my way.  

It's been a gorgeous day here today.  Tomorrow's supposed to be fairly warm but windy.  At least it isn't supposed to rain like last weekend.  Happy weekend, all!

Hugs and love,

I can breathe!

So I still sound reallly congested, but alas, I can breathe today!  Things are starting to taste again, too.  Unfortunately, I don't have much of an appetite today.  I suppose it is in anticipation of tomorrow's appointment.  Ugh.  If only I'd experienced it before...then I'd know what to expect.  Oh, well.  I shall survive, I suppose.  Wish me luck.  I can hardly believe this is so close!

I'm drowning...

...in a sea of ungraded papers!  But I suppose that's what happens when you miss Friday...then Monday...and your kids keep working on Tuesday and Wednesday even though you can't get caught up because of a 2 hour PD, a 2 hour homemakers meeting (on the same day, I might add), and a nasty suspected sinus infection! Oh, and I didn't even mention making substitute plans for three of the next four days.  (I swear, it's harder to plan NOT to be at school than it is to actually be there.)  I have to miss Friday to have my cervical stitch put in place, then Tuesday for the transfer and Wednesday for bedrest.  Which I suck at.  Oh, well.  At least I know what I'll be doing!  (That is, if I don't get caught up before then.)  I also have several books downloaded on my Kin.dle waiting for me and 2 new cookbooks I can't wait to peruse (again).  Yep, I'm good to go!

Hope your week is going well.

Hugs and love,

Lots to think about

I've got a lot on my mind today, but unfortunately (or not) not a lot of time to write about it, so bullets it is.

* I think I have a sinus infection.  I'm terribly congested, and blowing my nose does no good because nothing happens except my ears stop up.  Terrible timing, but at least it throws the nosy people at work off the scent of what's reallly going on (hence, why I've missed two days recently with more absences to come).  My closest at-work friends know, but we have some folks with big ears and leaky mouths that just can't seem to hold on to secrets.  Okay, it's really mostly one person and she noticed how nasal I sounded today.  Thanks, God, for giving me an alibi.

* We have decided to forgo the PIO this time.  The nurse said that I could use it since I had it, but she only mentioned it after I said I had some leftover.  She was perfectly willing to write a prescription for Pro.metrium from the get-go.  So, since I have a script (I only had 10 doses of PIO anyway), we're getting it filled tomorrow, and so I won't be dependent on anybody.

* That means I have an unopened vial of PIO.  Anybody need it?  I'm willing to share.

* I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I may have a conflict with my 3rd beta.  I'm just hoping I need it, but I realized today that it's the same day as a P.D. that a dear friend is doing.  She'll understand, I'm sure.  Let's just hope I have a conflict, right?

* Anybody know what to do with a full sharps container?  I have one from our fresh cycle.  I was going to put the HcG syringe in it from today's trigger shot, but couldn't get the lid off.  So I committed a no-no and attempted to recap the needle.  Yep, I stuck my thumb.  At least it was my own blood I contaminated myself with.  I finally did get the needle recapped, though. 

I guess that's enough for now.  I'm rambling. 

I hope you're having a good Tuesday!

Next step...

I made another trip to the RE yesterday for b/w and an u/s to check my follicle growth and E2 level.  Things looked good, I guess, because we are still a go.  My lining was 8.9, and my follie measured 16mm.  Here's the plan: we give the follie one more day to grow and the lining one more day to thicken up.  Tonight at 5:00, I'll take one Ovi.drel injection.  Then, on Thursday I'll start Prog.esterone.  Since I have some leftover PIO, I'll be using that first then switching to oral Prom.etrium (yay!).  Transfer is scheduled for 11:00 on Tuesday.  Ahh! 

The scary part?  Way back in November when we did our fresh cycle, we found out I had a "difficult" path to my cervix.  They decided to put in a stitch while I was out for the ER, giving them a guide in case they needed to straighten things out during ET.  No problem, right?  Right.  Until now.  Since there is no ER required this time, I have to go in to have the stitch put in while I'm awake.  Yikes!  Anyone ever have this?  Am I freaking out over nothing?

I'm glad to have a plan and to be able to see the light at the end of this albeit short tunnel.  Beta is scheduled for 3/25.  Could this really happen for us?

Hugs and love,

Like the new look?

Well, I took the plunge and had Leah at Cutesie Blog Designs jazz things up around here.  Looks pretty good, don't you think?  Okay, so maybe I'm biased.  But I think it's a totally adorable look.  I'm very happy with it.  If any of you are in the market, I highly recommend you head on over and check out her samples.

The process was super simple: 1.  I chose a package.  2.  I browsed the available kits for colors/elements I liked.  3.  I answered a few questions about what I was looking for in my blog.  And voila!  Leah put her creative mind to work.  Her designs are super cute, and she's one of us.  She has been battling the dreaded IF, too.  So, if you're looking to spruce up your own blog, why not support a fellow mommy-in-waiting?   

Hugs and love,

The Map

Hmm...

A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl, Shelby.  She wanted to know what the United States looked like.  Finally, he tore a sheet out of his new magazine on which was printed the map of the country.  Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Shelby, and said, "Go into the other room and see if you can put this together. This will show you our whole country today."

After a few minutes, Shelby returned and handed him the map correctly fitted together.

The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. "Oh," she said, "on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, then our country just came together."

Hugs and love,

Not again...

My foot's hurting again.  :-(  It's not quite as bad as the last time, but it still hurts when I walk.  A nurse friend of mine says she doesn't think it's gout because of where it hurts.  She believes it is plantar fas.ciitis.  I am not in enough pain to go to the doctor (well, I would, but I have to go to the RE on Monday, and that will take much of the day; I figure it will not hurt anymore by Tuesday).  I have an appointment on the 21st with my family doctor for a blood pressure checkup anyway, so I'll just make a note to mention it then.  It isn't getting worse, but the "attacks" are getting more frequent. 

Well, I'm off to get in some cuddle/play time with Jax before I can no longer lift him.  (He's more than 10 pounds now, so he'll be off limits in a week or so.  I hope he understands.)

Happy Saturday,

Green light!

Did you ever play that game when you were a kid called "Red light, green light?"  The "it" person stands at one end of the playing field, with the rest of the players at the other end. "It" turns their back to the others and calls out "Green light!" The players then run as fast as they can towards "it". At any time, "it" can face the players, calling out "Red light", and the others must freeze in place. If anyone fails to stop, they are out or must return to the starting line.  Gosh, I miss childhood.  Today they play bang-em-up games instead of the simple stuff.  But I digress...(again)

Well, today J and I got the green light to proceed with our FET cycle.  Last week, when I called to report CD1, nurse Kelli said that I would need to come in on CD 10 or 11 for an u/s and E2 level.  That fell on the weekend.  While they do offer these services on weekends, I think they try to only do those if it is more urgent.  So, she insisted that I come in today (on CD 9) to make sure we didn't miss our opportunity.  I have never ovulated early in my life, but I obliged and made the appointment.  Then, the evil side of Dr. Go.ogle kicked in and I worried much of the week about things not looking right and causing a cancelled cycle.  Thankfully, though, the tech said that my lining looked good.  She actually said, "It's pretty!"  (I'm glad she thought so--looked like a gray blob to me.)  My dominant follicle is only at about 10mm, though, so I have to give it a couple of days to grow (told ya) and go back on Monday.  I just got a message from Kelli saying that my E2 was at 137, which is good (her words...couldn't prove it by me).  I tried to research these stats, but there aren't many sources of information for unmedicated cycles. 

So, the plan is to go back on Monday for a repeat of today's tests.  If my follicle is between 16 and 18mm, they'll give me an Ovid.rel injection to administer at home, then transfer will be set for one week later.  Holy moly!  This stuff moves so much faster than our fresh cycle did!  I don't think it has really quite sunk in yet.

I'm so glad it's the weekend.  I need some rest!  I feel like I could fall asleep right now and sleep until morning.  We got our errands run today on the way back from Nash.ville.  That means we get to spend the whole day tomorrow at home.  Well, I now have to go get ready for a substitute on Monday, but we don't have to fight "town traffic."  Yippee!

Hope you're having a fabulous Friday!

Hugs and love,

Ice Cream "Melt"Down

So, this post is overdue--since it happened over the weekend before last--but I feel the need to share it so you all know just how nutty I really am.  I suppose it all really started a couple of Wednesdays ago.  As you may (or may not) recall (if you've read my blog for very long) that my absolute favorite-drive-across-town-just-to-get ice cream is Bru.ster's chocolate peanut butter buckeye.  It's made with what they call butterfudge ice cream.  Yum.  It's like a little piece of Heaven in a dish.  With little chocolate covered peanut butter balls.  Oh, happy day.

Well, I "liked" the Brus.ter's from a nearby city on Face.book, and in turn, their status updates appear on my page.  Usually, it's just random announcements like the special of the month and the flavor of the day and such.  The problem, though, is that they are a good half hour away and they rarely post the flavor of the day before late afternoon.  Yeah, it's kind of a waste.  If I wasn't already planning a trip to town, it's likely too late for me, and if I was--well, I'm probably already there and, thus, can't check Face.book.  I cannot tell you the last time I was able to actually indulge in this wonderful concoction.  Oh, I ordered it a couple of times when I happened by there and it was on the menu board only to be told that they were out of it.  Yikes.

So on said Wednesday, I was checking in on my Face.book pals before church when I noticed that the posted flavor of the day was...yep, you guessed it--chocolate peanut butter buckeye.  The problem?  It was after 5:00, I was 25 miles away, and church was at 7:00.  J was already home, or I'd have sent him for some.  I even called my dad to see if he'd left work yet.  He had.  Rats.  No ice cream for me.  Let it go, Angie.  But, I was in a mood.  Thus, the following exchange is forever transcribed on Face.book between "Scoops" and myself:

Me: You should really tell me this the day before so I can plan a trip for the BEST ice cream in the world!
Scoops: We might have some left tomorrow early in the day! Call us at 8**-9*** open 12-9 tomorrow!
Me: I have to work. Make some on Saturday and I'll be there!

On Saturday, J and I ran our errands and planned a trip to Bru.ster's before heading to the grocery on our way home.  I had low expectations, but a girl can dream, right?  We pull around the drive thru and, much to my surprise, there it is on the menu board.  My Flavor!  I excitedly told J I wanted 2 scoops and proceeded to dig out my coupon card.  Then, I heard the most agonizing words I've ever heard from the speaker at a drive thru window.  I'm sorry, sir.  We are completely out of that.  J said, "Well, we didn't know.  It's still on the menu board."  Yeah, we need to get that off there.  Ya think?  Don't give people false hope.  You can't just toy with my emotions like that.  I was in a bad mood the rest of the day.  Literally. 

J laughed at me.  He so totally did not get why I was so upset about ice cream (or the lack thereof).  So, on the way home I explained it to him.  And I ended it with (in my best Scarlett O'Hara voice): "And WHEN I'm  pregnant and hormonal, if they EVER have it up on the menu board and have the nerve to tell me they're out of it, may God have mercy on their souls!"  Yeah, he just laughed again.  But I meant it.  Seriously.  So there.

Maybe I made you smile, at least.  It's almost Friday!

Hugs and love,

Whew!

Is it Friday yet?  Please?  Pretty please with a cherry on top? 

This has been the most impossible week.  And I'm only slightly more than halfway through it!  (Actually, I suppose I can relax a bit since my work week ends tomorrow.  I have to take a sick day on Friday for my RE appointment.)  Yesterday was one of the most challenging days I've had in a long time.  It started with a phone call from a parent concerned over a boy (one of my good kids) teasing her daughter.  I asked her if she had any idea when it was happening because he NEVER talks in class.  She said she didn't think to ask.  I told her I would investigate the situation and do what I could to put a stop to it.

I asked the girl a few questions--when did he do it, where (in the lunchroom, in the hallway at break, at special class, etc.), and who else was around.  Then, I sent a note to the principal (our email was down, of course) to let him take care of it since I hadn't actually witnessed it.

Next up, I cannot keep my li'l darlins from communicating all Day LONG!  It doesn't help any that our current room arrangement is conducive to this type of behavior.  We are in the middle of the Civil War--literally.  I divide the class into the "Union" and the "Confederacy," and they compete for points with each thing we do throughout the entire unit.  It's just the easiest way to create a visible division in the room.  I even have hats that I hang up to represent each side.  The kids get excited about it.  But, I digress...what else is new, right?  Where was I?  Oh, yeah...communication.  So I look up and there's this boy standing in the middle of my classroom holding a yellow piece of paper and looking confused.  I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I don't know.  This note just came flying toward me."  I took it from him, stuck it in my pocket, and asked who threw it.  Nobody knew, but a little girl piped up with, "It's a note ___ wrote me about her cat."  I shrugged it off and went about my business.  We finished class and I took the students down for P.E. 

On my way back, I stuck my hand in my pocket and found the note.  I had forgotten it was even there.  I pulled it out and was SHOCKED to find that it was indeed about a cat--it said that her dad "does" kitty porn (actually, it was misspelled so what it really said was her dad does kitty pron; it's sad really--I KNOW I had never even heard that word until high school).  Complete with a description and a hand-drawn picture.  Yep.  Had to take that one to the office, too.  So, by the end of the day, I think the principal had seen about half of my class at some point, for some reason--maybe just as a witness, but they were in the office nonetheless.

I told him this morning maybe we'd have a less eventful day.  We did, but just barely.  I think I need a nap.

Hugs and love,

Thought of the Day

I wish I could adopt this attitude every day.

"If someone is to tired to give u a smile, leave one of ur own...because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give."