Peace

Yes, peace.  That's exactly where I am in regards to tomorrow's transfer--at peace.  I'm not bouncing with excitement like a kid waiting for Christmas.  I'm not anxious with all the wonder of whether it will work.  I'm not scared (mostly because I know exactly what to expect).  I've even managed to [so far] keep my nemeses worry and fear at bay, barely even entertaining the thought that our sweet little embies won't survive the thaw.  I let it pass through my mind, yes, then swiftly kicked it out the other side. 

At Sunday School yesterday, I prayed. I know, I know...not such an unusual task for church.  But this marked the first time I prayed for this cycle and felt like I got through.  I try very hard not to be selfish with my prayers, but it seems like I'm always asking for something lately.  So I have been somewhat reserved with my "requests" to the Lord this go around.  I also know that if I live for Him, he will give me everything I need...and maybe even the things I want. 

Now, I while I didn't get a direct answer or a promise like I've heard people testify of, but I was contented.  I felt calm and peaceful afterward.  And when we went back to our seats from singing class, all that kept rolling around in my head over and over was, "Thank you, Lord."  For what?  I'm not sure.  Maybe just for the peace.

I cannot guarantee that uneasiness won't revisit me tomorrow.  Will I worry about the unknown?  Likely.  Will I ponder relentlessly, "Did it work?"  Perhaps.  Will I attempt to distract myself with activities and tasks?  Most definitely.  But today I am at peace.  And that's a good place to be.

Hugs and love,