This morning, I made the call. I know it's a holiday, but I also knew I would have to leave a voicemail message anyway. So, my IVF nurse will know first thing tomorrow morning that I have reached CD 1. And thus, the fun begins.
I've had a thought. An epiphany of sorts. Dangerous, I know, but hear me out. This moment of clarity has left me with a new perspective on our entire IF situation and all of our heartbreaks. What if God sent us that baby...and then took it away...to save my life? Had we not repeated a m/c, it is highly unlikely that we'd have pursued testing, which means I'd probably be clueless to the clotting disorders that I'm going to have to treat forever. Now, while I realize that my own life is not any more important than anybody else's and that I'd be no great loss to the world, I do know what it's like to lose someone you love dearly quite unexpectedly. What if the heartbreaking loss of our dear babes unknowingly kept J from losing me in such a manner. (Please don't think I'm being conceited...I don't know what I'd do if the tables were turned.)
So, yes, my heart is still sad when I think of all we have gone through and what we have lost; but I can't help but realize that even our babies' short existence had a purpose. I can't wait to tell their sibling(s) all about them someday.
Monday, September 5, 2011
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And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28.
I hold on to this verse. It doesn't mean that only good things will happen to those who are saved. It means that God will do His will in our lives so that He will receive glory through us. That is the best thing for us, to give Him glory. He is the very best thing. God does not make mistakes. We may never know why some things happen, but we can know that God did them for good - for His plan.
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