Decisions, Decisions

I hate, Hate, HATE making decisions.  Pretty much every time we are going out to eat, J and I have this conversation:

J: Where do you want to eat?
Me: It doesn't matter to me.  Where do you want to eat?
J: I don't really care.  What are you in the mood for?
Me: Nothing in particular.  What are you in the mood for?
J: *sigh*

And it continues until he finally says something he's been wanting all along and I agree to it and we go there.  It's pretty much the same conversation when I'm out with my mom, too.  I just don't like to make decisions that affect other people.  The big stuff?  Sure, I can decide those things fairly easily.  For instance, I had no trouble choosing a college, a major (after one quick change), whether or not I would keep my job in 5th grade or drop to a lower grade, and to accept J's proposal.  Those were easy.  But ask me where I want to eat and you'll get no definitive answer--unless of course I've had a craving for something.  (Incidentally, when this happens, whomever asked it of me makes a beeline to said place before I have an opportunity to ask if it's okay with them.)

I always thought I was being considerate of the feelings of others and trying to be accommodating when I do this, but apparently it's one of the things that drives J nuts about me.  (And no, it's not the only thing, I know.)  My parents used to talk about how much it drove them crazy, too, but I've come to realize as I've gotten older that it only drove them crazy because they do it too.  Yep.  Every time I'm out with them, they pawn the decision of where we'll eat off on me.  I think they only do this so they don't have to pick themselves.  I suppose if I choose McDo.nald's enough times, they'll quit asking! 

But sometimes there are BIGGER decisions that are tough, too.  I mentioned some easy BIG decisions I've made.  Perhaps they were so easy because I just knew in my heart it was the right thing to do each time.  But lately, I've been struggling with a MAJOR decision--when to try our FET.  I get emotional every time I think about it.  Part of me wants to just get it over with, cross my fingers, and pray that it works.  However, the logical side of me thinks about all of these external factors:

* I've already missed a ton of school for the IVF cycle this year.  While I have more than enough sick days built up (I still have 93 left), I feel guilty leaving my students to be taught by substitutes so often.  On the other hand, if I'm able to do a natural cycle (and we're thinking we will be), I won't have to miss nearly as many days this go around.

* J brought up that cycling in February would probably add more stress than is necessary with the addition of the potential for inclement weather.  Since we travel about 80 miles one way to the RE's office for monitoring and such, the risk for snow and ice and potential traffic issues with getting there would just cause undue stress--which wouldn't be good for any of us.  So that brings us to March (at least). 

* If we do this in March--and are successful--we'd be due near our nephew's birthday.  Now, while he probably wouldn't mind it in the least, his mother (my infamous SIL) would probably pitch a fit.  A good one, too.  J says I'm silly to worry about this, but I do.  I certainly don't want to cause any trouble with his family.

* One of the 5 people that knew about all of this at school blabbed it to anybody who inquired why I was missing school.  I should have known better than to tell her in the first place, but she sort of figured it out.  She had some IF issues, too, so I really thought she would understand.  I guess I was wrong.  But I don't want to have to tiptoe around her this go around, and I definitely don't want her to be "in the know" this time.  Too many people to un-tell if things don't go well.

* Summer break would be great--no time off school required, but that is so far away!  I don't know if I can wait that long.

Oh, what's a girl to do?  I guess I'll figure it all out.   It's kind of crazy, actually.  I'm a planner by nature.  I like to have every detail of everything I do all mapped out.  IF has robbed me of that completely.  Thank you very much, universe.

Hope you've all had a terrific weekend!  I'm going to go cover up and watch some television with my totally awesome husband! 

Hugs and love,