Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Wow. I’m stumped. I, the planner, do not know how to respond to this topic. Of course, there’s always the obvious: I want to be a mom. Other than that, I don’t really have any goals for the next 365 days.
And that makes me ashamed. I’m ashamed that I have let my IF completely take over my life. It should not define me. I am so much more than a childless mother. I am a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister, a sister-in-law, an aunt, a granddaughter, a cousin, and a friend. Or, at least, I used to be. I am a teacher, an actress, a writer, a volunteer, a church pianist (and a Christian, for that matter). I used to plan for things, hope for things, dream about things happening. To me. Shame on me for wallowing in self-pity because I can’t have the one thing I so badly want. When did I become such a spoiled brat? I tell my students all the time that they must learn they can’t have everything they want, but they should learn to be happy with what they do have. I think it’s about time I took my own advice.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me when I’m happy, when I’m sad, and even when I’m pitching a nice little hissy fit (we have those here in the country, you know). We’re not rich, but we have everything we need and most of the things we want. He comes home to me every night, and he can’t stand to see me cry. We laugh together pretty much every day, and we always kiss each other good-bye before we leave for work and we kiss goodnight before we go to sleep. I don’t know why he does it, but I do it because if something were to happen to either one of us, I want the last words I said to him to be, “I love you.”
So, it’s time I snapped out of this grief-induced stupor that I’ve been in lately and stop feeling sorry for myself. I have too many roles to fill to let my own self-pity get in the way.
In the next 365 days I hope to be a better Christian; I dream about continuing to do the things that make me happy; and my goal is to earn to let the things that don’t really matter slide right out of my memory.
3 comments:
I love this post! I would have the same answer to that question and frankly, that sucks. Good for you for not allowing infertility/TTC to take over your whole life anymore. I'm going to take a page from your book and try to do the same thing :)
I feel the same way, it's easy to let this IF take over. I'm glad other aspects of your life are great, you have a great attitude about that!
It's good that you're giving yourself a pep-talk, but I disagree with the spoiled-brat analogy.
Wanting to become a parent is not like wanting to own the latest fad gadget. For most people, it's following a deeply rooted instinct.
You're doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. And you'll do better because you want to.
Best of luck!
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