I've been trying to hold on to my sanity. Really, I have. But last night, I had a massive meltdown. We're talking with tears and snot and everything. It didn't come until after my shots last night. I had an especially rough time after the Lov.enox injection (stung a ton) and my rear is so sore it almost hurts to sit. So, when I returned to the family room to finish typing my Spanish test while J and I watched TV, there were tears. Lots of them. When he asked me what was wrong, I didn't lie and tell him, "Nothing," but I did tell him that he'd just get mad if I told him what was bothering me. Jax instantly noticed the tears and jumped up in my lap to take care of them (he hates it when I cry).
I finally managed to mutter, "I just keep thinking, what if we go through all of this...all these shots...all of this emotional distress...and it doesn't work." He just told me I was right and I shouldn't be talking or thinking like that.
But the thing is, I know there is no guarantee. I knew that from the start. But I'd sure have an easier time asking people to help me lift things if I knew there was something going on in there. This wait is getting me down.
Hugs and love,
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- Angie
- I have been married to the love of my life since 07/07/07. Soon after we got married, we started trying to expand our family. Unfortunately, that road was not as easy as we'd like. It seems we both have our own issues that acted as stumbling blocks. After 1 fresh IVF cycle, 3 FETs, 2 losses, and daily blood thinner injections, by the grace of God our little miracle arrived on 8/16/12.
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December
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7 comments:
I felt the same way. I was trying so hard to be positive all of the time, but there were days when I just lost it. The sore butt, and all of the hormones jut get to us sometimes. It's normal. No one can stay positive all of the time, but try and focus on the fact that you can't change anything now. What will be, will be. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!
I always thought it wouldn't work too so each time I reminded myself that it HAD taken before. So you think of it that way too...you HAVE gotten pregnant twice before and now praying that the added lovenox is the ticket your babe(s) need to KEEP growing all the way into your arms!!! Praying for your Christmas Miracle...can't wait to hear the GOOD news!!!
There's no guarantee but you have a great chance of this being successful. I can't imagine all you are going through and all you have been through. Hang in there. Hugs. You are definitely giving this your all and that is all you can do!
The wait is horrible. I had a meltdown part way through our wait as well...I was so convinced it wouldn't work that I had the phone numbers for adoption lawyers in the area so we could make an appointment - my husband wouldn't let me until after the beta (thankfully I didn't have to make those calls!)
Hang in there! I am sure that all of the injections will be worth it when you get your great news!! Thinking of you and sending prayers your way!
I remember trying so hard to be so blood-curdling optimistic after our transfer, that when I did finally crack, the breakdown was epic. I mean, one of those crying fits you've maybe had 3 or 4 times in your life, where afterwards you literally have to send yourself to bed like little child and fall into a deep cathartic sleep just to recoup your lost marbles.
Thinking your embies, and hoping they are snuggling in good and deep.
All the best,
KerriK
I am so sorry! I cried nearly every night this cycle. Praying for His peace to be with you.
I hate how our minds can go to the deepest, darkest thoughts when we're trying so hard to succeed. No one can tell you that you're overreacting because any of us who have been through this know that's crap. This last cycle was the hardest, and I think that's why I thought for sure it didn't work. We know that isn't the case now, but then you couldn't have told me any different. Just hang in there and know that there are tons of us out here rooting for you! Big hugs coming your way from MD!
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