Tonight, just before church started, I was handed THE ENVELOPE. You know the one--it strikes fear in the heart of every infertile. Yep, you guessed it. An invitation to a baby shower. I had been expecting it for a few weeks now, but I still wasn't quite prepared for it. Months ago, I made up my mind that I was going to be happy for this one. Maybe even attend it. After all, she's one of us. (Not a blogger, just one who struggled with IF.) But I'll have to admit, when her mom handed me that envelope tonight, my heart sank. I felt that familiar lump quickly rise in my throat and I had to blink back tears. I chose not to open it until I got home. I didn't need the particulars, after all. The "IT'S A BOY!" sticker on the back confirmed any doubts I may have had about the contents of that envelope.
I think this one rattled me because I couldn't help but think, I should be doing this, too. You see, this mother-to-be is a distant cousin of mine (according to J, all of my cousins are distant--he doesn't "count" anything besides first cousins as cousins...if you go by that, I don't have any then). She announced her pregnancy at prayer meeting (Wednesday night) five days after I learned our little peanut's heart was no longer beating. She's due on Christmas Day, so she barely knew herself. I have tried so hard to be happy for her...and I completely am. But that doesn't mean I can't be sad for me. Every milestone she's hit, I couldn't help but think I'd have been just a couple of weeks ahead of her.
So, that's what I'm missing out on this month--a baby shower. But enough about poor, pitiful me. I'm not looking for your sympathy, really I'm not. I'm just venting to the ones I know will understand. Right now, I'm still planning on going to this baby shower. I can do this. I'll let you know how it goes. (Although, it isn't until the 30th.) There had better be cake. And it had better be good.
Hugs and love,
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
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5 comments:
Even my mom's cake (which is better than most "professional" cakes I've tried) isn't worth the heartache. If your friend really went through IF, she'll understand. You can even do something special with her as just the two of you. It's usually the other people at the showers that I dread seeing.
It's probably really bitchy on my end, but I have a pretty firm "no baby showers" policy for now.
And (((HUGS))) to you. Yes, you should be enjoying this right now too.
I agree. You don't have to go, and she should understand when you don't. There is no need to put yourself under all that stess, when you can just totally avoid it. Don't take this wrong, but there will be plenty of people there and they won't miss you. Miss you!!!!
Lynn
Baby showers, children's birthday parties... they are all a shot to the heart of us infertiles.
If you want to go, then steel yourself up and go. But please don't feel bad if you just can't do it. That doesn't mean you can't be happy for her... and you should never feel guilty being sad for yourself. Those are feelings are completely unrelated. You are really raw right now, and a break from all things baby might be best.
I have skipped baby showers, baptisms and first birthday parties...among other events I have quit due to a high volume of pregnant woman (and some of this was done even after I became a mother). I don't care who the woman is or how close you are to her or how much you love her. You don't have to go. You don't have to act like miss mary sunshine around her either. I understand you would never want anyone to deal with what you are dealing with, but I believe God would not want you to put yourself in a situation where you suffer further. Just my opinion for what it's worth.
I don't quite know how you feel, seeing as I've never even come close to being pregnant. But I do have a pregnant friend that I have decided I am going to be happy for. I don't know what I'll do when the time comes for her baby shower, but I really hope I can muster up the emotional stregth to go and be happy for her. If you go, good luck. And that cake better have some punch to go with it. lol
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