Break is Over...

As of 2:35 this afternoon, my fall break was officially over.  :-(  I'm grateful to have had a break this week, all things considered.  We took a little trip...not far away, but still away from home.  Tomorrow, we'll be back home with Jax and the madness that is our lives will resume.  What comes next?  Good question.

While we will definitely wait until after our follow-up with the RE to make any firm plans for the future, we're toying with the idea of trying one more time before the year is over in order to maximize our tax refund for the year.  Isn't it a shame that our family building ability is adversely affected by money?  I've just been doing some number-crunching, and even though this would not give us much time to replenish our savings before jumping back into the fire, we are narrowly missing out on the medical deductions we'd be able to take if we spent "just a little more."  (You have to spend more than 7.5% of your gross income before you get to deduct anything.)  Even though we think we've spent a ton, we're barely at that point right now.  We'd get to deduct very little if we stop now.

I'm trying to snap myself out of this funk I've been in.  I seem to have lost my optimism.  I had so much hope just a year ago.  We'd barely begun our fresh cycle at this point...as a matter of fact, I think I was on BCP number 2 exactly one year ago today.  I had yet to begin injections (Lup.ron wasn't a part of my protocol), and I had nothing but hope.  This was going to work for us.  And, I suppose, it did.  Just not for long. 

In the past week, though, I've discovered that I was right about something.  While a negative test did hurt, it WAS less painful than loss.  But now I'm gripped with fear.  We are running out of chances.  I'm thinking we have 2 chances left, at best (provided we don't have to thaw all of the rest to get good ones to transfer).  I don't know what I'm going to do if we use them all up and end with nothing.  We'll be out of options.  We chose to try this over adoption.  There's no way we can afford to try this again, and by the time we saved enough to go for it, I'll be too old.  I've gotta stop this before I hyperventilate. 

Nevertheless, I'm thinking that if we do try again this year it will have to be in November.  I'm also thinking that would put us on a similar time table as our fresh cycle.  Boy, what a difference a year makes...