First of all, thanks to those of you who stuck around through my 10 day challenge. We were out of town for most of it, and I thougt it would be the easiest thing to schedule ahead of time.
Well, one day short of two months after my D&C, AF finally showed up yesterday. I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I am glad she arrived in time to get the required testing done before I have to go back to school (I was really worried about this). However, did she have to show up two days before our anniversary? Oh, well. Doesn't matter. Let's get on with the show.
I have been able to get my hydrosonogram scheduled for July 14, and other than a TSH test, that's the only other pre-requisite testing before our next FET. I'm very apprehensive about this, by the way. The FET, that is. I know I've got some time to pysch myself up for it (we won't be trying again until September since I don't want to miss any of the first month of school), and I think maybe the best way to do that is to put it out of my mind for a while. So, I'm going to make a list of my thoughts (because that's what I do--I make lists) and then push them away.
#1) I am scared of all the shots. Silly, I know, given the fact that these children were created via IVF, which required LOTS of shots. But I just don't know if I can give the Lovenox injections to myself. I have a probem with shots that actually look like shots. J says he'll give them to me if I can't do it myself, but I hate being dependent on others. I hated that part of the PIO injections during our fresh cycle. I think the part that I hate the most is that THIS makes me feel like a wimp.
#2) It's the 3rd time for us, and threes have not been good to me. I've never been superstitious, but I've always noticed patterns. It was our 3rd beta with IVF #1 that dropped, thus, signaling the end. It was our 3rd ultrasound with FET #1 that brought utter devastation. Now, even though this will be FET #2, it will be transfer #3. What will it bring? I hate these thoughts, too.
#3) What if it doesn't work? Do I have it in me to try again, emotionally, physically, and financially? Of course, we should have a few embryos left after this round (we have 6 remaining right now) that we can't just leave in the freezer. But how much is enough? Where do we draw the line? What if we run out of them and have nothing to show for it?
Sorry to be such a negative-nelllie. I'll try to perk up. Now that I've penned down my fears, remember, I'm not going to think about them. I think I'll go look at our wedding pictures. That always cheers me up.
Hugs and love,
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
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4 comments:
I'm glad AF finally arrived so you can get your tests done. I understand how hard it is to miss school, especially at the beginning of the year.
Hopefully the 3rd time will be it!!!!
Maybe the third time will do the trick! I'm praying for you. Glad AF finally showed up, sorry it was right before your anniversary!
I think it's natural to be negative, you've been through a lot. Your heart is just trying to protect itself.
I am a nurse and give lovenox injections often - they are not bad. Very small needle, subq shot into the stomach and the patients hardly ever complain that it hurts. So hopefully they won't be bad for you!
But things can be different after they discover problems that they hadn't before making your chances even that more successful this time.
I would be nervous too givnig myself shots but it's like my sugar testing kit, you get used to it after a while though never fun.
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