On the first day of Stims...

...my body gave to me
some cramps
and a bruised belly.

Okay, given, I think the cramps are from the pending AF following BCP, but I needed some words in there for rhythm.  I started Foll.istim this morning bright and early.  I set two different alarms--one to get it out of the fridge so it could warm to room temperature, and the other so I could administer it at around 6:00.  It was hard rolling out of bed both times (especially since they weren't all that far apart), but I needed the timing to be convenient for the work week, too.  Actually, I got up early both times, so neither alarm got to actually go off.

At 5:50, I decided I'd go ahead and get up since it might take some time to round up my courage.  I stood in front of the bathroom mirror with my supplies gathered around. Okay, who am I kidding--I gathered them last night.  They were all right there waiting for me: Foll.istim pen case with BD needles and pen, sharps container, alcohol wipes x 2, sterile guaze pad.  I washed my hands and prepared the pen.  After cleaning my skin with the second alcohol wipe, I pinched up some skin and tried to take the plunge.  But it wouldn't go in. 

Oh, not to worry.  There was nothing wrong with the needle.  It was user error.  (More like user-chickening-out.)  I just couldn't stab myself with that needle.  I tried 3 or 4 different times before looking in the mirror and saying, "Angie, this is nuts.  Just do it."  Yes, I had broken out into a cold sweat so now my hands were slippery.  But I counted to 3 and ... stopped short again.  What if I don't jab hard enough and it doesn't even break the skin?  I don't think I can do this again.  Crazy, yes, but that's what ran through my head and stopped my efforts that last time.  I shook it off and made one last attempt--a successful one.  It didn't hurt much, but the site stung for about 15 minutes afterward.  Now, there's a little bruise there.  In a way I'm glad.  At least I'll know where not to stick myself for a couple of days. 

I'm hoping tonight's round goes as smoothly.  Maybe I won't have to use as many practice stabs this time.  For now, I'm just waiting on the little ghosts and goblins to visit so I won't have to eat all this candy!  (Our county is trick-or-treating tonight instead of tomorrow night.)

Five years ago today, J and I met.  If you'd have told me then that in five years I'd be giving myself injections so that we could maybe have a baby together after 3 years of trying on our own, I'd have said you were crazy.  But crazy or not, here we are.  Though this journey is rough, I can't imagine walking it with anybody else.

Happy Halloween, everybody!