Shouldn't I be past this?

I thought I had moved on.  So many times, I've been able to share my story to struggling mothers and offer them a shred of hope...at the very least, I was able to let them know they were not alone and were loved.  But for the first time in a VERY long time, I cried for my babies tonight.  An ugly, vehement sobbing cry.  I think it was a culmination of several triggers throughout the day, but it really surprised me.  I thought I was past that.  (I am choosing to say "past" it and not "over" it, for I never intend to be "over" loving and missing my babies.)

Chain of events:
1.  Yesterday, I registered Lincoln for Pre-school (he's missing the Kindergarten cutoff by 2 weeks).  He's ready.  Momma, not so much.

2.  While we were at Pre-school registration, he saw a couple of kids he knew and went off to play with them.  Apparently, he told the aide that they were brothers.  She came out and asked me if I was enrolling them both or just the one.  I apologized, explaining that he doesn't have any siblings.

3.  At church tonight, a sweet couple requested prayers because they've had trouble starting their own family (and I already knew this...have even offered any assistance I can give AND have been praying for them to have the desires of their hearts).  Cue flood of memories...

4.  The moment I got home from church, I had a message from one of my dearest friends announcing baby #3.  I am SO, SO happy for her.  She's known her share of grief on this journey (2 losses in 5 months).

I'm still not ready to be done.  But I don't think it's in the cards for me.  I know, I sound like a CD stuck on repeat.  We're talking about checking on Foster-Adopting.  A colleague of J's is doing this and has been giving him the run-down of all that is involved.

Since I've been thinking of my angels so much tonight, I'll leave this little quote I came across the other day.  Maybe I can "get it together" and make a more eloquent post soon.  Until then, hugs and love to all.