Bittersweet

I've been composing this post in my head since Friday, but never found the time to actually write it until now.  The title word has been rolling over and over in my head lately, for lots of different reasons.  It seems to apply to most of the goings on of my life right now.  Everything is bittersweet.

In less than 2 weeks, I'll be going back to work.  It's bittersweet.  I'm looking forward to settling into more of a routine, but I so very much do not want to leave Lincoln.  It's not that I'm worried--he'll be staying with my mom--and it's not that I don't want to work.  I love my job...but I waited for this precious miracle for so long, and now it seems like our time alone together has flown by so quickly.  But if I had a whole year, I'd likely feel the same way.  I suppose no amount of time could ever be "enough."

Lincoln has outgrown most of his Newborn clothes (yet, the 0-3 month ones are still a little big).  It's bittersweet.  Yes, I'm thankful that he's healthy and growing, but it makes me sad to already be packing away clothes that no longer fit.  What if this was my only time to do this?  The first "stage" was over far too soon for me.

This last one may seem strange, but indulge me if you will.  (And if not, hey...it's my blog.  I'm writing it anyway.)  I joined the world of the iPhone on Friday.  Yep.  Got the new one, too.  In 64GB.  Go big or go home?!  Lots of room for all the pictures and video my little heart desires.  So, what's bittersweet about that?  You just have to remember how my brain works.  Everything is sentimental.  Everything has a story.  As I was manually transferring all of my contacts over from my old phone (because, of course I had the one phone that would not connect to their machine that would have done it for me), I took a minue to thumb through the pictures.  So many memories.  There were pictures of Jax...and J...and even some from the fertility clinic from three of our transfers--the one that resulted in angel #2, the one that failed, and the one that brought us Lincoln.  *cue waterworks

And then there were the texts...conversations between J and me in which he offered encouragement, asked how I was doing, or just told me he loved me....between my closest friends when I found out about angel #2's fate...and the ones announcing that Lincoln was on his way...then that he was here.  Gone.  Sure, I still have the phone, but I can't go back and re-read that part of my life.

I guess this new phone represents a new beginning.  Those times of my life are over.  Lived through.  Survived.  And I came out on the other side a better person for having gone through them, I firmly believe.  So it's maybe better that I won't re-hash those every time I scroll through the pictures or the texts.  Life goes on.  And mine just got better.

Hugs and love,